It's Sunday morning and I'm enjoying a little bit of quiet before everyone else gets up. Quiet is good, because it signifies peace. Peace is good, because there have been some pretty tricky days this week. But, like always, the only thing I can do is deal with the difficulties and move on.
Learning to deal with the difficulties that stem from having a depressed recovering addict for a child has been the biggest challenge I have faced in my years on this Earth. And even after five years or so, it's still really hard for me. My wife is much better at it than I am, although she even wished out loud for a manual on how to get through this stuff the other day. The problem is, there isn't a manual. It's just a learn-as-you-go thing. Some things you'll get right. Some things you won't. But you can't be afraid to do what you think is best. And you have to learn to let go, at least a little bit. (That part is much easier said than done. But you learn.)
One more thing: The other day, someone posted a comment on one of my blog posts saying I was "an incredible father." While that comment was nice to read, it made me feel a little bit uncomfortable. Trust me: I am not an incredible father. I have made many mistakes along the way and I often times wish I could go back and fix a lot of the things I've done wrong. Unfortunately, I can't. So I just try to do a little better every day. But I still screw up. A lot. I appreciate the kind words, but I don't think the Father of the Year folks will be contacting me anytime soon. That's one thing I can be sure of.
Incredible was not meant in the sense of perfection, but of showing devotion to your sons and wife. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, but not every parent has the same commitment to their families that you do. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable, I apologize if it did.
ReplyDeleteDate Not Want Not: No need to apologize. Sometimes I'm a bit over-sensitive when it comes to comments about my parenting. I suppose that might be related to some of the guilt I continue to carry around with regards to my son's condition. Deep down inside I know it's not really my fault that he's the way he is. But sometimes, as a parent, it's hard not to accept some kind of responsibility for the way my kids are. I hope to get rid of the guilty feelings at some point. But for now, getting rid of those feelings is still a work in progress. Thanks for your comment. And thanks for reading the blog.
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