Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Kicked out. Again.

It's 1:30am Eastern Daylight Time and I can't sleep. So I'm writing this blog post.

About an hour ago, our house phone rang, waking me and my wife and scaring the shit out of me. When the phone first rang, I said out loud, "This can't be good." That's what happens when you're the parent of an addict and the phone rings at odd times. You immediately think something bad has happened. One look at the caller ID before I answered this call and I knew I was right this time.

The call was from my son. The bottom line? He said he and some other guys in his sober living house had just gotten kicked out for smoking that goddamn "incense" stuff (i.e., synthetic cannabis). My heart just sank. This is the fifth time my son's been kicked out of a sober living house in eight months. I wonder if he'll ever figure out that "sober living" doesn't really work without the "sober" part.

I don't know where he's going to go. He didn't even know if the house manager was going to let him spend the night there. We told him to ask around and try to find another house in the area. Another problem? He's got a shitload of stuff with him at the house, and no car to transport it in. So the next several hours, as well as tomorrow--which is actually today--should be interesting.

It's tough being a parent in this situation. On the one hand, I love my son from the bottom of my heart and feel incredibly sorry for what he's going through. In fact, I just spent an hour crying like a baby. But on the other hand, he's in this mess because of a poor choice he made. He knew the rules. He's been through this before. And yet, the cycle continues. I don't think sobriety is high on his list of priorities.

I will guarantee you one thing: He's not coming home. If he ends up being homeless, so be it. Moving back into our house is not an option.

Addiction sucks, people. It sucks more than just about anything. Anyone who loves an addict and is reading this post already knows that. But for those of you who haven't had the pleasure, trust me; it's something you never, ever, ever want to experience. Your addict will rip your heart out, throw it on the ground, and stomp on it over and over again. Not necessarily intentionally. But intentional or not, it still hurts. And every time it happens, it hurts just as much.

Peace to all of you and thanks for reading.


  1. Only another POA can understand what you are going through. I want to scream and/or cry right along with you. Does your son have a job, and is he paying his own rent? He doesn't sound vested in his sobriety right now. Maybe a shelter would open his eyes.
    I wish there was a switch we could flip to block the addict from our heart in times like this.
    Hang in there. They can and do get better...just not always on OUR timeline.

  2. I am sorry. You are so right, it ripes our hearts out. He will get it one of these days, he's just a slow learner. Praying for you and your family.

  3. Right there with you. Where there is life there is hope.

  4. I'm so sorry. Does he know how to camp? With a tent and a boy scout mess kit? This is a good time of year for that. (I am not making light, so I hope you don't take offense. This is a valid option. I know there is a difference between choosing to spend the summer roaming and camping for fun, as my friends used to do back in the day, and having to do so because there is noplace else to go. But, it is possible, and it is an option.)

  5. Oh, dear. I so understand that late night call and hurt. We've been through it all and more. The one late call was from the mental ward where he had been admitted for a drug induced psychosis. Yup. At that time he had been staying in his car after being kicked out of his sober living house. Another time he was kicked out and had no car. He was "on the streets" for a month. Eventually he had to go before a judge for probation violation, he was supposed to be in a sober home. She sent him to jail for 45 days. I finally slept well!!!
    There has been much more since then but no need to go on and on.
    It hurts like crazy, I don't understand his self sabotage, I am fearful. BUT.....I am okay, I have to be. I know that God is in control and I am not. I still fall apart, but now it lasts for hours or minutes NOT days.
    Praying for all of us.

  6. Heartbreaking!! Sounds like he needs to learn what its like to live with nothing and have nobody to rescue him except himself. As hard as that may be...for all of you... it is the only way you will ever find the peace you need. Funny he still thinks to call home every time there is a problem...that is just not okay, it is unacceptable to put you and your family through that!

  7. Im sorry for your pain, Dean & family. Stay strong. Allie XO

  8. Unfortunately, I don't think he's really hit bottom yet. As hard as that will be for you and K to face, that might be what it takes for him to turn himself around. In the meantime, sending lots of love and strength your way.

  9. "This can't be good." .......yep..this sums it up...and yep it truly does suck being a poa...you're a very good father...

  10. im so sorry for your pain. I have a 23 year old son that is an addict...the ups and downs are unbelievable. I had to kick him out of my home last year and he has been thrown out of several houses since...everytime this happens he comes to me. Its alot of stress and he cant live with me as there is too much that comes along with it. I feel guilty everyday I hate it. Just wish he would wake up.Stay strong...xx