Discharged

Another quick update:

My son was discharged from U of M Hospital yesterday afternoon. The doctors felt he had calmed down considerably and was no longer a threat to himself. (My son claims he never was.) While I was hoping he'd get a little more in-patient treatment, I couldn't make the hospital keep him longer. He was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety disorder (nothing new) and will undergo follow-up care...if he chooses to do so. (Fingers crossed.)

My wife and I drove out to Ann Arbor to pick our son up from the hospital and take him back to his sober living house in Ypsilanti. He seemed to be in a pretty good state of mind. Definitely much better than Wednesday night.

After dropping him off at his house, the two of us went back to Ann Arbor and treated ourselves to a nice dinner at the Prickly Pear Cafe, one of our favorite restaurants. (The scallop and shrimp quesadillas there are to die for. One of my favorite dishes anywhere.) We had a really nice time. Taking care of ourselves is an important part of our recovery, and this was a little treat we both felt we deserved.

So, that's where things stand. I will keep praying for my son. If you feel so inclined, please do the same.

Hospitalized

Just a quick update:

My son, who had been living in a sober living house in Ypsilanti, Michigan, is now hospitalized at the University of Michigan Hospital in Ann Arbor. It is depression-related, not drug-related. Even so, when it happened yesterday it was like a kick in the gut. I got a phone call from a Washtenaw County sheriff's deputy who identified himself and asked if either I or my wife was home. My first thought was that my son was dead. It was horrifying.

Instead, the deputy informed me that my son had been taken to the ER at U of M Hospital. My wife and I went out there last night and met with doctors and a social worker. It was decided by them that our son needed to be hospitalized. On a positive note, he is in a world-class hospital, which is connected to a world-class depression treatment center. Hopefully this will be a blessing.

So that's where things stand. Depression and addiction both suck so bad. I'm sure many people who read this blog know that already; I just thought I'd reiterate it once again.

Peace.

"A Soft Place to Land"

While on hiatus from actual blogging, I thought I'd share this beautiful song with all of you. It's by my favorite female musical artist, Canadian singer-songwriter Kathleen Edwards. This song appears on her latest album Voyageur and it's helped me get through some tough times over the last several months. I'm still looking for a soft place to land.

Hiatus (again)

Back in July, I made a very short post here that read:

I'm going on hiatus for a bit. I'm feeing a bit overwhelmed by everything right now and don't really feel like talking about any of it. It's not a good feeling. Hopefully I'll get over it soon.

Well, I've decided to go on hiatus again. For what it's worth, my son did decide to go to the sober living house in Ypsilanti. So he's not homeless. At least for now. But things aren't going that well, and I'm just drained. Emotionally and physically. So I'm going to step back from the blog for a bit.

I'll probably be back. I just don't know when.

Peace.

It's time to cut the cord

Tough morning around here.

The manager of the sober living house our son is living at talked to my wife this morning. They want our son to move out, and relocate to another house in Ypsilanti, Michigan, which is very close to Ann Arbor. It seems our son isn't doing anything that's being asked of him. He's not getting up on time, not keeping his room clean, etc. The house manager has tried repeatedly to get our son's behavior to change, but to no avail.

Our son, of course, texted my wife and told her he wasn't going to the new house. He said he's sick of sober living houses and the bullshit, and that she should come and pick him up. My wife told him she wasn't going to pick him up and that he needed to move to the new house and start doing what is asked of him. And if he doesn't, then we're done supporting him.

I just tried calling my son to lay it all out for him, but--surprise!--he didn't didn't answer his phone. So we will keep trying to get in touch with him today to tell him his options: A.) Move to the Ypsilanti house and start getting with the program. Or B.) Be totally cut off from us. And by "totally cut off," my wife and I mean totally cut off. No money. No food. No rides. No cigarettes. No visits to home. No contact with the family. It would be like the ultimatum given to the addicts on the TV show "Intervention": If you don't do what you're being asked to do, we will no longer be a part of your life.

It pains me to think about Option B, but it's time. It's actually way beyond time. My wife and I, along with other family members, have spent years trying to help our son. We've made huge sacrifices. We've spent thousands and thousands of dollars. And after all that, we're pretty much right back to square one. The madness has got to stop. If our son wants to get his life moving in the right direction, he has to take the steps necessary to do that. And if he doesn't? Well, then that's his choice, and we'll wish him luck.

Maybe he'll change his mind and move to the new house. Maybe he'll start doing what he needs to do to better his life. I hope and pray that that happens, but at this point I'm not real confident. And if he chooses to go his own way, it's time to cut the cord.

Happy New Year

I haven't posted here since before Christmas, so I thought I'd check in.

My son was home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Unfortunately, it didn't go so well.

On Christmas Day, right before dinner, he said he was going for a walk. My wife and I told him he couldn't go, because that was one of the boundaries we had set prior to his visit. Our son insisted that he didn't have any money, so there was no way he was going to do anything bad. We stuck to our guns, though, and he was not at all happy about it.

Well, later on we found out our son did have money. It turns out my mom had given him some because he told her he had to buy a Christmas gift for someone. Another lie. More manipulation. Same old bullshit.

After dinner, our son admitted to us that he had wanted to go get "fucked up" because he was feeling "fucked up." (His depression is really kicking his ass lately. He needs to get back into therapy, which is something we're working on.)

Needless to say, the Christmas Day incident kind of put a damper on the whole weekend. My son was also very distant and quiet the whole time he was home. Given the chance to do it all over again, my wife and I would've picked him up on Christmas morning and taken him back to his sober living house on Christmas night. Having him stay at home for two nights just wasn't a good idea. Live and learn.

When my son was getting ready to have my wife drive him back to Ann Arbor on Monday morning, I broke down in tears and hugged him tightly. I told him that I love him more than anything in the world, but that I hope he'll realize someday how much pain and hardship he's caused the family. I also told him that he has incredible potential, and that I hope he gets on the right path soon so he can take advantage of that potential. It was a very emotional moment for me and I cried like a baby for about an hour straight after my son left.

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So today is New Year's Day. Goodbye, 2011...Hello, 2012. It's been almost seven years since my son started battling addiction, and every New Year's I hope the coming year will be better than the previous one. Today is no different. My wife and I will try to stay strong and continue to work on our own recovery. Letting go is hard, but I think we're slowly making some progress.

Progress, not perfection. One day at a time.

Happy New Year to everyone who reads this blog. And thanks for your support. I wish nothing but good things for you and your families in 2012.

Home for Christmas

As I type this post, my wife is on her way to Ann Arbor to pick up our son. He is coming home for Christmas weekend and we will take him back to his sober living house on Monday. Although I'm sure it will be a bit stressful, we're all really looking forward to spending Christmas together. (There are also three cats in this house who will be thrilled to see their buddy again.)

Today we will decorate our tree. It's been up since last weekend, but we've been waiting for our son to come home before we decorate it. After that, we'll probably just hang out, wrap gifts, watch football, and enjoy being together at home.

Tomorrow we will exchange gifts and I will cook up a nice Christmas dinner.

Nothing too overhwelming. Just a nice Christmas weekend together. Fingers crossed.

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On a Christmas-related note, yesterday my wife and I went to our local Kmart store and anonymously paid off the layaway balances for three people. Money has been tight for us lately, but we know there are a whole lot of other families in much worse shape than us. Hopefully our gesture will help make this Christmas a little happier and a little easier for those three people and their families. And being "Secret Santas" made my wife and I feel pretty special inside.

'Tis the season.