Tuesday, January 31, 2012

"A Soft Place to Land"

While on hiatus from actual blogging, I thought I'd share this beautiful song with all of you. It's by my favorite female musical artist, Canadian singer-songwriter Kathleen Edwards. This song appears on her latest album Voyageur and it's helped me get through some tough times over the last several months. I'm still looking for a soft place to land.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Hiatus (again)

Back in July, I made a very short post here that read:

I'm going on hiatus for a bit. I'm feeing a bit overwhelmed by everything right now and don't really feel like talking about any of it. It's not a good feeling. Hopefully I'll get over it soon.

Well, I've decided to go on hiatus again. For what it's worth, my son did decide to go to the sober living house in Ypsilanti. So he's not homeless. At least for now. But things aren't going that well, and I'm just drained. Emotionally and physically. So I'm going to step back from the blog for a bit.

I'll probably be back. I just don't know when.


Friday, January 6, 2012

It's time to cut the cord

Tough morning around here.

The manager of the sober living house our son is living at talked to my wife this morning. They want our son to move out, and relocate to another house in Ypsilanti, Michigan, which is very close to Ann Arbor. It seems our son isn't doing anything that's being asked of him. He's not getting up on time, not keeping his room clean, etc. The house manager has tried repeatedly to get our son's behavior to change, but to no avail.

Our son, of course, texted my wife and told her he wasn't going to the new house. He said he's sick of sober living houses and the bullshit, and that she should come and pick him up. My wife told him she wasn't going to pick him up and that he needed to move to the new house and start doing what is asked of him. And if he doesn't, then we're done supporting him.

I just tried calling my son to lay it all out for him, but--surprise!--he didn't didn't answer his phone. So we will keep trying to get in touch with him today to tell him his options: A.) Move to the Ypsilanti house and start getting with the program. Or B.) Be totally cut off from us. And by "totally cut off," my wife and I mean totally cut off. No money. No food. No rides. No cigarettes. No visits to home. No contact with the family. It would be like the ultimatum given to the addicts on the TV show "Intervention": If you don't do what you're being asked to do, we will no longer be a part of your life.

It pains me to think about Option B, but it's time. It's actually way beyond time. My wife and I, along with other family members, have spent years trying to help our son. We've made huge sacrifices. We've spent thousands and thousands of dollars. And after all that, we're pretty much right back to square one. The madness has got to stop. If our son wants to get his life moving in the right direction, he has to take the steps necessary to do that. And if he doesn't? Well, then that's his choice, and we'll wish him luck.

Maybe he'll change his mind and move to the new house. Maybe he'll start doing what he needs to do to better his life. I hope and pray that that happens, but at this point I'm not real confident. And if he chooses to go his own way, it's time to cut the cord.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

I haven't posted here since before Christmas, so I thought I'd check in.

My son was home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Unfortunately, it didn't go so well.

On Christmas Day, right before dinner, he said he was going for a walk. My wife and I told him he couldn't go, because that was one of the boundaries we had set prior to his visit. Our son insisted that he didn't have any money, so there was no way he was going to do anything bad. We stuck to our guns, though, and he was not at all happy about it.

Well, later on we found out our son did have money. It turns out my mom had given him some because he told her he had to buy a Christmas gift for someone. Another lie. More manipulation. Same old bullshit.

After dinner, our son admitted to us that he had wanted to go get "fucked up" because he was feeling "fucked up." (His depression is really kicking his ass lately. He needs to get back into therapy, which is something we're working on.)

Needless to say, the Christmas Day incident kind of put a damper on the whole weekend. My son was also very distant and quiet the whole time he was home. Given the chance to do it all over again, my wife and I would've picked him up on Christmas morning and taken him back to his sober living house on Christmas night. Having him stay at home for two nights just wasn't a good idea. Live and learn.

When my son was getting ready to have my wife drive him back to Ann Arbor on Monday morning, I broke down in tears and hugged him tightly. I told him that I love him more than anything in the world, but that I hope he'll realize someday how much pain and hardship he's caused the family. I also told him that he has incredible potential, and that I hope he gets on the right path soon so he can take advantage of that potential. It was a very emotional moment for me and I cried like a baby for about an hour straight after my son left.


So today is New Year's Day. Goodbye, 2011...Hello, 2012. It's been almost seven years since my son started battling addiction, and every New Year's I hope the coming year will be better than the previous one. Today is no different. My wife and I will try to stay strong and continue to work on our own recovery. Letting go is hard, but I think we're slowly making some progress.

Progress, not perfection. One day at a time.

Happy New Year to everyone who reads this blog. And thanks for your support. I wish nothing but good things for you and your families in 2012.