Saturday, April 28, 2012

A new day

Yesterday was a tough day, but I'm grateful to have had it, even though it was fraught with disappointment.

"Progress, not perfection," right? My son is still clean, and as of now he's still in his sober living house. My wife and I talked to him last night and told him that we were stepping back for a while. We told him that we love him very much, and that he needs to do whatever the house owner asks of him, even if he doesn't always agree with it. We also told him that he needs to work closely with his sponsor.

Some people have asked questions about my previous post. Things like Why are we letting his sponsor control our son's life?; or Why are we cutting off contact with our son altogether? All I can say is that my wife and I have tried many, many different things over the last seven-plus years we've been dealing with our son's addiction. None of them have really worked, so we're trying something new. That's all. We have come to learn that we can't control or cure our son's addiction. He has to be the one to help himself. And we believe that deep down inside he wants to do just that.

My wife and I have made many mistakes over the years. We've coddled and enabled our son way too much. He's 22 years old now and he has to start figuring things out for himself. That is why we are stepping back. To give him an opportunity to mature and gain independence. We are not abandoning him. We are always here for him and love him more than words can describe. We are simply giving him some space.

Will this approach work? Obviously, there's no way to know. But our son's sponsor suggested it, and my wife and I have agreed to give it a try.

Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers. I truly appreciate everyone who reads this blog.


  1. This is real progress. My girlfriend could never make that final cut and in the end her son's problems destroyed her rather than him. Good luck and keep strong.

  2. Ddd- roll with the punches. Both you and the kid have evolved, while preserving the parent/ child relationship. You need some kind of flexibility to be built into things. There will be bad days as there will be good days. Dont loose your head over sketchy 3-rd party reports. Be cool. He is doing better than he has in a while.