Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day, which is a "holiday" I've struggled with for a long time. I actually kind of wish I could just skip this day each year.

First off, I've never really felt connected to my own father. Growing up the son of an alcoholic father will do that to you. To this day, anything father-related is very tough for me to deal with. Especially Father's Day. I always run through the same questions in my head: Should I call my father and wish him a happy Father's Day? Should I get him a card? Should I invite him over for dinner? What exactly should I do??? I wish it wasn't like that, but it is.

I also struggle with Father's Day as it relates to my own fatherhood. Despite everything I've read and have been told about how I'm not supposed to blame myself for my son's issues, I still can't help but wonder if I could've or should've done something differently while he was growing up. Something that might've put him on a different, better path.

Yes, it's Father's Day. But I'm struggling with it. Just like I do every year.

2 comments:

  1. I had the same problem with Mother's Day. I remember standing in the greeting card aisle and not finding a single card I felt like giving her. I laughed at her funeral and sang on the way to the burial. She had a bad case of bipolar disorder and a white trash upbringing, and life has been so much easier since she's gone. It's harsh but true. She was as cuddly as the Incredible Hulk.

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