I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but prior to starting my blog I kept a journal. Like my blog, the journal was therapy for me. I wrote in it a lot. Nothing really polished, just stream-of-consciousness entries. I tried to write at least something every day. Sometimes I wrote many entries on the same day. Deeply personal, honest thoughts.
My journal ended up being hundreds of pages long and to this day no one except me--not even my wife--has ever read it. But last night I was flipping through the memories and decided I would share some of them from time to time here in my blog.
Welcome to a new feature called "Looking Back." I hope it offers some insight that may be helpful to others.
January 24, 2007
What to do about [my son]? The biggest question in my life. And it has been for over a year.
Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of him trying to overdose on pills. The scariest moment of my life. A year later, we've made some positive strides...but we're still nowhere near where we'd like to be. But my son is alive. And he may be a pain in the ass much of the time, but I love him dearly no matter what. I am confident that someday something will click and things will vastly improve. I sure hope so. This morning [my wife] used my line: "I can't do this anymore." If she's starting to say things like that, you know it's been tough. Peace and love to you, son. We love you so much. And we're so glad you're still with us.
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