Friday, August 23, 2013

Four years and six days later

Four years and six days ago, I wrote a blog post entitled "I miss my son."

It was a poem of sorts, and I remember how it hurt like hell--and then some--to write it. I remember crying the whole time I was typing. It came from my heart, though, and I had to get it out.

Last night I revisited that post and cried again. But this time I cried tears of happiness.

The reasons for my happiness lie in this excerpt from that post:

Ask me what one thing I would wish for if given the chance.
It's such an easy question to answer:
I want my son back.

I want him to feel happiness.
I want him to feel at ease.
I want him to feel wanted.
I want him to feel like he belongs.
I want him to laugh.
I want him to love.
I want him to live.
I want him to be free of the demons that seem to haunt him.

I read that passage over and over and over again last night.

Then I realized: Four years and six days later...

My son feels happiness.
My son feels at ease.
My son feels wanted.
My son feels like he belongs.
My son laughs.
My son is in love.
My son is living.
My son appears to be free of the demons that haunted him.

And best of all?

I believe I have my son back.

"Don't give up, don't ever give up." --Jim Valvano


  1. After losing my son's best friend to addiction.....i understand a bit more the journey your family has been on. I am so deeply happy for you all. May each day get better and better.

    1. Thank you so much, Amy. Your support and well wishes are welcomed with open arms. :)

  2. How loving your poem "I Miss My Son." I've got a lump in my throat and a hole in my heart and the tears just keep on flowing. Your poem so touched me because it's exactly how I feel, "I WANT MY SON BACK!" But even more I want him to have those things that you eloquently described. I want him to feel GOOD! I cannot let go and let God, and I don't believe ALL things happen for a reason.

    My son is 21, and also has depression and anxiety. He's also been diagnosed with ADD and he demonstrates OCD behaviors. My son is addicted to heroin and I am in a constant state of panic knowing that he could die at any moment. I am paralyzed by grief and worry.

    I'm grateful for finding your blog. It reminded me to hope, when it was feeling like all hope was lost... I'm addicted to my addict and it is exhausting, but I'll never give up. Maybe someday, I too, will have my son back, and he will feel GOOD!

    I wish you and your family, continued blessings!

  3. Oh wow! You even brought tears to my eyes. Your son is so blessed to have a father who cares so much for him and his total well-being. I'm so happy you've got your son back. I'm sure there are so many parents out there that wish they could say the same. Addiction is such a terrible thing! So many lose the battle, and we must be thankful for the very few positive stories about someone's success in beating this demon!

  4. Thanks, 3D. Beautifully put. That expresses in a nutshell what parents of addicts want for their kids. I think this is the best post I've seen in your blog and I love it. I'm so happy for you and your family. We're coming up on four months clean for my son. Anything can happen. Hold on to hope.

  5. Such a beautiful thing!

  6. It couldn't make me happier to hear that. It's so easy sometimes, to slip into constantly seeing someone as "broken", but when you can finally open your eyes and realize, they've gotten better, it's an incredible feeling. I'm so happy to hear that your son is recovering happily!