You know that roller coaster ride "up" I was so appreciative of yesterday? Well, today's the "down." Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down.
My wife called me at work this afternoon to tell me that our kid tested positive for pot and had to leave the three-quarter house. Yup. That's right. Two days after we wrote a check for $420.00 for the next month's rent, he gets kicked out. It's just unbelievable.
Yesterday our son had jury duty. So my wife had to drive out to the other side of town, pick up him up, take him to the courthouse in downtown Detroit, and wait for him until he was finished. After he was dismissed from jury duty, our son came home for a few hours. During part of that time, he took off on his brother's bike, allegedly to go to the gas station to buy cigarettes.
I thought he was gone much longer than he should've been, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I guess that was a mistake. Because what really happened, according to my son, was that he rode to a friend's apartment, where they smoked a joint. This is because my son was depressed, because it was his old girlfriend's birthday, and he just wanted to get high.
So that's the story. The up and down continues.
As of right now, I'm not sure what's going to happen to my son. My wife and I told him if he got kicked out of the three-quarter house, he wasn't coming home; and we're sticking to that. The program director recommended a homeless shelter in Ann Arbor. Maybe that's an option. But my kid has a lot stuff with him, and no transportation.
I told my wife to tell our son to call his friend and have him drive him to the shelter. But our kid says he can't reach his friend. So evidently he's sitting outside, down the street from the three-quarter house, with his stuff. That's sad, and it breaks my heart. Maybe this will teach him a lesson, though.
I will openly admit that I may be a horrible parent for being so hard-assed this time around. But, you know what? Right now, I want nothing to do with my kid. He knew what the consequences would be if he screwed up. And he chose to smoke that joint anyway. I hope the buzz was worth it.
Here's what I'm thinking. For what it's worth.
ReplyDeleteHe can figure out a plan to get his stuff (or some of it) stored somewhere (maybe at your house), and to get himself to a shelter. He has the address of a shelter or two? OK then, he can get himself there.
He may ask you for a ride to a shelter, and you may grant the favor. Or not; it's your choice. He may ask a friend for a ride. He may figure out the bus system. He may ask you for bus or cab fare to get to a shelter, and then he may choose whether to spend it on the bus/cab or on something else. He may ask to borrow a tent and camp out someplace. He may sleep on his pot-friend's couch, if the friend will let him. He really does have choices beyond just "hang out with mom and dad." Let him make them. Or not make them, and sleep at the curb until he thinks up a better plan.
You're not "doing this" to him; you're not being mean or unreasonable, or anything like that. He's not a little child who has to be gently guided to understand about cause and effect. He's had thousands of learning opportunities already. And here's another one.
Love you all. I'm praying for you all, too.
Christa
I agree with Christa. You are not a horrible parent. And you are a good and loving parent. If you let him live at home again, this could go on forever. That is not the best situation for anyone in your house.
ReplyDeleteLove to you and yours, Dean.
Katy
Dean, in 11 hours, if all goes as planned, we will be intervening on a family member who is 49 years old. If only we could have done this 25 years ago, maybe he wouldn't have had a grand mal seizure 2 days ago trying to quit alcohol cold turkey after months/years of heavy abuse. I have a photo in my album picturing you and this person together on an evening when communally we used Mitch's shoes to accomplish the necessary. You have the biggest heart in the world, but that cannot stop your child from having diabetes, cancer, MS, or an addiction. All you can do in any of these cases is support the path that has the greatest chance to result in successful management of the disease. We love you and your family; love yourselves.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing what is right for you and him. You may have hit the bottom, but I don't think he has. He has to want to be better.
ReplyDeleteHolding all of you in light and love.
i don't have to read much of your story to know it, i haven't lived it with a child, but i have lived it with a partner. i am still on my journey, but 2 books that really helped my thinking styles - & thus are making me a better person/parent were awakening to mindfulness by richard fields & the happiness trap by dr russ harris. good luck & deep breathing. x.
ReplyDelete