Thinking and driving

Because I left work a little later than usual today, my drive home was a little bit slower than usual. I spent a lot of time stopped in traffic or driving very slowly, which allowed my mind to wander a bit.

While I was giving my brain a workout, two questions popped into my head and wouldn't leave. They are actually questions I've been asking myself a lot lately:

1. Will I ever be able to trust my son again?

2. Will my son and I ever have a good relationship again?

Those are incredibly huge questions for a father to ask himself about his 20-year-old son, and it hurts me to have to ask them all the time. But I really don't know the long-term answer to either one. Right now, the only answer I can give for either question is, "I hope so."

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For a good portion of my long drive home today, I was listening to my favorite sports talk radio station. They were ragging on former St. Louis Cardinals slugger Mark McGwire pretty good for having admitted yesterday to using steroids while he was an active player. The radio guys were questioning McGwire's sincerity and one of them was mocking McGwire for crying while reading his statement. "When was the last time you cried," the radio guy asked his fellow talking heads, as if to say, "What kind of man cries???" For the record, the "When was the last time you cried?" question was--unlike those other two questions I mentioned earlier--a very simple question for me to answer. The last time I cried was this morning.