tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62141645722512067382024-02-24T21:45:41.289-05:00My Life As 3D(No special glasses required.)DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.comBlogger569125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-23491172734110251252021-11-25T11:14:00.010-05:002021-11-25T11:36:39.116-05:00Thanksgiving 2021: Back Together Again<p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Thanksgiving Day is upon us once more. Thank God that the 2021 version is going to be much better than its 2020 counterpart. That’s not to say 2021 as a whole has been better than 2020, because it really hasn’t. At least not in my world. Another death in the family, a horrendous basement flood, a car accident for my mom, and lots of smaller, irritating things made 2021 pretty crappy, too. But that’s life, right? Shit happens. And the best way to get through it is to deal with the shit as best you can and be grateful for the good things in your life. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Last year, COVID kept me from seeing any of my immediate family on what I consider to be the biggest family holiday of the year. This year, though, will be different. My wife and I will be hosting dinner for my mom, my brother, and one of my sisters. And both of our sons will be in the house, too! It’s actually going to be somewhat normal*, which I am extremely grateful for. (* FYI, "normal” with my family is never really <i>normal,</i> but I think you get what I mean.)</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">So, I guess it’s time for what has become my annual Thanksgiving Gratitude List. I don’t post much on this blog anymore, but I still like to sit down and make this list once a year. It kind of keeps me grounded. (If you’ve never made a gratitude list, I highly recommend it.)</p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Happy Thanksgiving from me and mine to you and yours. My hope is that you have an enjoyable day with people who truly matter to you, and that you eat well in the process. Appreciate what and who you have, because there are a lot of people who would love to have the same. And at some point, you may not have everything or everyone you have today. So, be in the moment and take it all in. As my spiritual advisor Anne Lamott says, “Right this minute, we understand that this is all there is, so let’s really be together.” (My family actually uses that line as our pre-meal “grace.”)</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTni0Srooq_0UtwnGAHC-6BmdToKrJCSGA5hYaI42VyQkZrfei06l8WpcTcloZWsMAa7e_-7xgkB3yxiZPuKB4s2wjPVgd8i5oYsZQPgKJm7GBeOjkHcT6a_otTDHpB4Mg5i78fSGms22s/s1600/bigstock-Close-up-Of-Gratitude-Word-Wit-265169737.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTni0Srooq_0UtwnGAHC-6BmdToKrJCSGA5hYaI42VyQkZrfei06l8WpcTcloZWsMAa7e_-7xgkB3yxiZPuKB4s2wjPVgd8i5oYsZQPgKJm7GBeOjkHcT6a_otTDHpB4Mg5i78fSGms22s/w400-h266/bigstock-Close-up-Of-Gratitude-Word-Wit-265169737.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">And with that, here's my stream of consciousness, in-no-particular-order gratitude list for 2021. As always, there will be overlaps from last year, but so be it. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><u><b>Some Things I Am Grateful For</b></u><br /><br />Kathleen Marie Cook Dauphinais (<i>always</i> at the very top of my gratitude list)<br />My 90-year-old mom<br />My two sons, Sam and Josh<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My other two sons, Thelonious and Monk</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Everett, Duncan, Christy, and Kyle</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My siblings</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My job at Families Against Narcotics<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My co-workers <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Vaccinations<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My Pontiac Solstice convertible<br /><i>Around the Horn</i> and <i>Pardon the Interruption</i> on ESPN (my favorite hour of television)<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">The TV the guy on Facebook Marketplace gave me for free<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Friends (the actual people, not the TV show!)<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Fredi Bello (a.k.a. Fredi the Pizzaman)<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My house<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Cookbooks</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">People with a similar sense of humor<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Hosting living room shows<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Window screens<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Spending time with my two little buddies next door<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My fireplace<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Naloxone<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Boat days with my neighbors<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">A basement that’s getting closer and closer to being back to a pre-flood state<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My electrophysiologist</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Music<br />Anne Lamott and her amazing words<br />Everyone who follows my Anne Lamott Quotes Twitter feed<br />33 years of marriage<br />Decent writing and editing skills<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Jim Bryson<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Matthew Ryan<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Kathleen Edwards</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Pizza (duh)<br />Will Johnson’s artwork<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">The Serious Eats website</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">J. Kenji López-Alt</span><span face="-webkit-standard"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Clouds<br />Zoloft<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Cashews</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My neighborhood and all my wonderful neighbors<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Chris Walker at Golling Toyota<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Gratitude (Can you be grateful for gratitude? I think so!)<br />Memories of those no longer with us (my dad, mother- & father-in-law, & grandparents)</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Taylor Swift<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Essential workers</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Lake Michigan<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Siblings-in-law, nieces, and nephews</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Random acts of kindness<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Saturday <i>New York Times </i>Daily Mini and Spelling Bee challenges with David and Alli<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">The Internet<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">The moon</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">The Detroit Lions (Just kidding! The Lions suck!)<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Mickey Redmond<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Facebook Marketplace<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Jennifer Garner</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Julia Kristina, M.A. Psych.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">JM Storm<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Spring, summer, and fall (sorry, winter)<br />Freshly baked bread with butter<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Eastside Bagel<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Reasonably good cooking skills<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">The writings of Matt Haig<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Hope (always)<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Good health insurance<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Bob and Jayne at Undertow Music<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who reads this. Peace, love, and good food. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br />What are <i>you </i>grateful for today?<br /><br />-Dean<br /><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><i>“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie</i><o:p></o:p></p>DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-60895869635790497322021-10-25T09:57:00.000-04:002021-10-25T09:57:02.220-04:00Cooking: A Key Ingredient in My Recipe for Recovery<p><i>This blog post was originally posted on <a href="https://heroesinrecovery.com/cooking-a-key-ingredient-in-my-recipe-for-recovery/" target="_blank">another website</a> on July 8, 2015. It popped back into my brain this morning while I was in a harm reduction/recovery coaching class and the trainer mentioned that cooking was therapeutic for him. My feelings exactly! So, I figured I'd share this "vintage" post again here.</i></p><p>I love to cook. It’s one of my favorite hobbies. In fact, as I sit here typing, I have four whole chickens brining in the refrigerator, waiting for their mid-morning date with the smoker.</p><p>I didn’t start cooking until I was in my early 30s, when I lost my job and my wife made the decision to go back to work. It was then that I began a two-year stint as a stay-at-home dad, taking care of my young son and doing all the things necessary to run a household. Including cooking.</p><p>Up until that point, I had hardly any cooking experience at all. Sure, I could make grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheese out of a box. But other than that, I was a neophyte in the kitchen. Things had to change, though, because it wasn’t fair to have my wife work all day, then come home and have to cook dinner. So I decided I was going to expand my cooking knowledge and see if I could feed my family without getting anybody sick.</p><p>I remember the first real entrée I cooked: It was meatloaf, and I remember calling my mom and asking her for her recipe. I still have the scrap of paper I wrote that recipe down on, but I don’t have to look at it anymore because it’s all in my head now.</p><p>Fast-forward to the late 1990s. That same son I stayed at home with for two years was now a teenager struggling with addiction. My world was turned upside down, and I felt lost and helpless. But I eventually learned that self-care and my recovery were just as important as my son’s recovery. I needed to do things that made me feel better so that I could have some semblance of a normal life while I dealt with my son’s issues. Cooking was one of those things.</p><p>During my son’s active addiction, I spent a lot of time in the kitchen, immersing myself in cooking. I still cooked from recipes I found in the countless cookbooks I’d collected over the years, but I also took things to the next level. I started creating my own recipes and making original dishes that actually tasted good. To quote a famous Cajun chef: “Bam!”</p><p>Like writing, cooking is incredibly therapeutic to me. When I’m cooking, my mind is focused on the task at hand; not on the little—and not so little—life problems that bring stress to my world. I feel at peace in the kitchen. It’s my happy place and my sanctuary. There’s no doubt that cooking has been a key ingredient in my recipe for recovery from my son’s addiction.</p><p>Today, my son is three years clean and sober, and I’m still cooking up a storm. I do about 95 percent of the cooking in my house, which makes my wife super happy. Best of all, it makes me super happy, too.</p><p>I thought I would share one of my favorite original recipes with you. This recipe was made up as I went along, so I apologize if quantities/measurements aren’t exact. The recipe as it is below makes about 14 enchiladas (two pans of seven each). So you may want to adjust accordingly. Enjoy!</p><p><b>Grilled Sweet Potato & Black Bean Enchiladas</b></p><p>3 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cut lengthwise into “planks”<br />1 onion, chopped<br />1 fresh jalapeno pepper, chopped<br />1 15 oz. can of black beans, drained and rinsed<br />19 oz. of red enchilada sauce<br />8 oz. shredded “Mexican Blend” cheese<br />8 oz. shredded cheddar cheese<br />14 soft taco size flour tortillas<br />Olive oil<br />Kosher salt<br />Pepper<br />Cumin<br />Chipotle chili powder<br />Fresh cilantro, chopped (about 1/2 cup)<br />1 tbsp. butter</p><p>Put the sweet potato “planks” on a couple of baking sheets. Brush the surface with olive oil, then season with kosher salt, pepper, and cumin. Turn the sweet potatoes over and brush the other side with olive oil, seasoning with kosher salt, pepper, and chipotle chili powder.</p><p>Grill the sweet potato planks on a grill over medium heat (with the top closed) for 10 minutes. Flip the sweet potatoes over and grill with the top closed for another 10 minutes. (Don’t be alarmed if the sweet potatoes char. When they char, you get all kinds of flavor and crunch without a burnt taste. It’s caramelization, baby!) Note: I suppose you could broil the sweet potatoes instead of grilling them, if you wanted to.</p><p>When potatoes are done, transfer them from the grill to a large bowl and mash them with a potato masher (I added about a tablespoon of butter to mine).</p><p>Put about 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a small skillet and sauté the onion and jalapeno until soft.</p><p>Add the onion, jalapeno, cilantro, and black beans to the mashed sweet potatoes and mix thoroughly with a spatula.</p><p>Brush the inside of two 9 x 13 baking pans with olive oil. Then pour enchilada sauce into the pans so that it covers the bottom.</p><p>Prepare each enchilada by spooning approximately 3 tablespoons of the potato mixture down the center of a tortilla. Then sprinkle about a tablespoon of the Mexican cheese blend on top of that. Roll up the tortilla and put in the pan (seam side down). Continue doing this until you’ve used up all the potato mixture.</p><p>When your enchiladas are done being assembled and are in the pans, pour the remaining enchilada sauce over the top of them. Then cover with the shredded cheddar cheese.</p><p>Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for approximately 20 minutes, until the cheese on top is melted and the sauce is bubbling.</p><p>Serve immediately. Suggested garnishes: sour cream and guacamole.</p><p><i>"There are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it may be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other's cooking & say it was good." --Brian Andreas</i></p><p><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><img alt="Trust me. These are badass." data-original-height="395" data-original-width="508" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6KVhmnzN66MU0UFpRH0hrq9WUdUM3Qg0dBlu8Ge_A1BcUF9yu-2AqAP0XI2dzPf7KTvFL78QmzuxvMFKUZc60X7QPuu3qZdDWhbe74gzrCs79Ice0SHURf0RGKY4EKcgJATpsfpbOzOnG/w400-h311/29027853_10155325181511367_2237734019129147392_n.jpg" width="400" /></i></div><i>Trust me. These are badass.</i></div></div><p></p>DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-74823196751740028432021-03-02T07:24:00.003-05:002021-03-02T07:25:43.136-05:00Anne Lamott to the Rescue (Again)<p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">Over the years, the words of Anne Lamott have helped me through some very difficult and challenging times in my life: my son’s addiction, my father’s death, an extended period of unemployment, and a cancerous tumor on my kidney, to name just a few. So, it came as no surprise whatsoever that</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"> </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Dusk-Night-Dawn-Revival-Courage/dp/0593189698/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1614686926&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Dusk Night Dawn: On Revival and Courage</a></i><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">found its way into my hands the same week my father-in-law had a massive stroke and lay in a hospital bed with a very uncertain future. (Cue <i>Twilight Zone</i> theme song here.)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">I am incredibly grateful for Anne Lamott and her writings. (So much so that I started the <a href="https://twitter.com/AnneLamottQuote" target="_blank">Anne Lamott Quotes account on Twitter</a>, which you should definitely go follow!) To be honest, I’ve pretty much fallen in love with every book she’s ever written. (Full disclosure: I haven’t read any of her novels!) That’s why my brand new love affair with <i>Dusk Night Dawn </i>was entirely predictable. But, even though I may be a bit biased, please trust me: This one’s another winner.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Annie tells it like it is and, quite often, tells it like she wishes it was. After all, she admits to us that “most of my life force goes into trying to self-will life and me into cooperating with how I think things should be.” On the other hand, though, she seems to be making some progress in her “third third” (love that term!) of life. “I am slowly making my way from a hypnotized engine of delusion and self-obsession to being a bit more real, a smidge more alive more often. I’ll take it. I am learning to live more often in reckless love.”</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOYC0Yn_lae088OGwUBpvDE2_vzehyphenhyphenzsL2L6qk8pGtSt3ACIVJzI3aYZD9j-MyiPALIQOX1EvEy59_1VJaThrR-3avrqm52nBlqdpY4Ve3bR1gVI_PKWc6HavWEIPWXjOJLVqwAA8RqTqN/s1890/annie+book.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1890" data-original-width="1890" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOYC0Yn_lae088OGwUBpvDE2_vzehyphenhyphenzsL2L6qk8pGtSt3ACIVJzI3aYZD9j-MyiPALIQOX1EvEy59_1VJaThrR-3avrqm52nBlqdpY4Ve3bR1gVI_PKWc6HavWEIPWXjOJLVqwAA8RqTqN/s320/annie+book.jpg" /></a></div>Speaking of love, that’s covered in <i>Dusk Night Dawn</i>, too, as Annie frequently talks about her still-relatively-new marriage to her soulmate, Neal. Sure, she loves and adores him, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a target at times. “When I’m watching him, I observe what a tall, nice-looking, thoughtful focused know-it-all he is. He comes from a family of know-it-alls. His brothers are just like him. I love them, but at our family vacations it is like Wikipedia with PMS.” <o:p></o:p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">My favorite essays in <i>Dusk Night Dawn </i>are probably “Lunch-Money Faith” and “Light Breezes.” In “Lunch-Money Faith,” Annie talks about her friend Terri who, one day at church, told her, “I have made a life and career out of being a good sport…And I am worn out.” Annie concurs. “Me too. I am sick and tired of being such a good sport and worker bee, chin up and adorably ironic, while we notice how much worse things have grown.” Amen to that. Aren’t we all just a little tired at this point?</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">Meanwhile, in “Light Breezes” Annie explores one of my favorite “D” words: Dread. As a lifelong catastrophizer, I can easily relate to what Lamott calls “my most reliable companion, always there for me, like God in a bad mood,” sharing with us that “Dread was my governess growing up.” She adds, “If Dread is not still right there at my side, she’s there in the wings, humming her hymns, drumming her fingers, knowing there is always a place for her in my heart. Life will push her call button.”<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">In true Anne Lamott fashion, though, there is lots of positivity in <i>Dusk Night Dawn</i>, too. “Yes, these are times of great illness and distress,” Annie writes. “Yet the center may just hold.” She also posits that “Hope springs from realizing we are loved, can love, and are love with skin on. Then we are unstoppable.”<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><i>Dusk Night Dawn</i> is classic Anne Lamott, full of observation, honesty, sarcasm, positivity, self-deprecating humor (“I have a doctorate in morbid reflection.”), and the occasional eff bomb (“Never disobey Sunday school teachers. They will fuck with you.”). If you need a little bit of hope and courage, do yourself a favor and read this book. And remember: “The kitten isn’t dead. The kitten is in the living room.” (You’ll have to read the book to understand the meaning of that!)</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"><i>"In the third third of life, you may become just as miserable and prickly as ever, but you cycle through more quickly. You remember other dark nights of the soul and how by dawn they always broke. You discover that everything helps you learn who you are, and that this is why we are here. You roll your eyes at yourself more gently. You sigh and go make yourself a cup of tea." </i></span><i>--Anne Lamott</i>DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-53110575506579649142020-11-25T21:44:00.009-05:002020-11-25T21:59:45.613-05:00Thanksgiving 2020: Damn, This Is Weird<p>COVID-19 sucks. 2020 sucks. And for a lot of people, Thanksgiving 2020 might suck. But not for me. Don't get me wrong--this Thanksgiving is gonna be weird with a capital W, because I won't be able to see any of my immediate family. My 89-year-old mom. My youngest sister. My oldest sister. My brother. My two sons. I won't see any of them on my favorite holiday because of this stupid coronavirus. And it's super weird.</p><p>My wife and I will, however, be having Thanksgiving dinner with our next door neighbors. That might sound crazy, but our next door neighbors are like extended family. Kathy and I are old enough to be their parents (I think), but we have been incredible friends since they moved in several years ago. Not only that, their two boys--ages one-and-half-ish and going on four--are like our surrogate grandchildren. We babysit them all the time and love them with all our heart.The reason we're having dinner with our neighbors is because they are in our "pod." We've stayed in contact with them pretty much since this COVID bullshit started, and we're all very careful not to have much contact with others. Plus, we're pretty much family. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCJLj-8OkdGaBfq_YicySF62DSICriFmPuYOKWUMJDWblnP6A26E2TbMt4tc8cgA8JU_rd5PCVPbjED9f8Ux2W2ESfwWfTAGB0JV2XtX-t2zBSnet8np2FlYWX_EVYahqm9ljadz_TnGyS/s1400/0*61r10GYUWLmbxpBu..jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="933" data-original-width="1400" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCJLj-8OkdGaBfq_YicySF62DSICriFmPuYOKWUMJDWblnP6A26E2TbMt4tc8cgA8JU_rd5PCVPbjED9f8Ux2W2ESfwWfTAGB0JV2XtX-t2zBSnet8np2FlYWX_EVYahqm9ljadz_TnGyS/w348-h231/0*61r10GYUWLmbxpBu..jpeg" width="348" /></a></div>So we'll be celebrating Thanksgiving with people not related to us, but it will still be fun. I hope you have a fun Thanksgiving, too, no matter who you're celebrating with.<p></p><p>Now, onto the purpose of this post: a gratitude list! </p><p>It's funny: I used to post on this blog pretty often. But since I found a job I truly love, I've been busy. In fact, the last post I made to this blog was last Thanksgiving. And it was a gratitude list. Maybe I'll just come back here once a year to list a bunch of things I'm grateful for. Who knows? In any case, here's my stream of consciousness gratitude list for 2020. There may be overlaps from last year, but so be it. </p><u>Some Things I Am Grateful For</u><br /><br />Katinka (a.k.a. my lovely wife Kathy; always at the very top of my gratitude list)<br />My job with <a href="https://www.familiesagainstnarcotics.org/" target="_blank">Families Against Narcotics (FAN)</a> and all the amazing people I work with<br />My 89-year-old mom<br />My two sons, Sam and Josh<br />15 months of sobriety for Sam<br />My new-to-me 2006 Pontiac Solstice<div>My amazing next door neighbors and their adorable boys<br />Great neighbors all around me</div><div><i>Law & Order </i>reruns</div><div>People who believe in me</div><div>Opportunity</div><div>My ceramic, light-up Penobscot Building</div><div>Friendships</div><div><a href="https://www.facebook.com/Platz-Animal-Hospital-143790125996/" target="_blank">Dr. Gabe at Platz Animal Hospital</a></div><div><a href="https://ronniesmeats.com" target="_blank">Ronnie's Meats</a></div><div>A nice home to live in</div><div>My new front porch and railing</div><div>Music and the people who make it<br />Mickey, our 15-year old sweetheart of a cat<br /><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott/" target="_blank">Anne Lamott</a><br />The <a href="https://twitter.com/AnneLamottQuote" target="_blank">Anne Lamott Quotes Twitter feed</a><br />Jason and the Clear Minds sober living house<br />Good health<br />32 years of marriage<br />A sense of humor</div><div><a href="https://www.kathleenedwards.com" target="_blank">Kathleen Edwards<br /></a>Pizza (always!)<br />Clean water to drink<br />My grandma's soup recipe<br />My father-in-law<br />Kindness</div><div>Zoloft</div><div>My electrophysiologist</div><div>The ability to help others<br /><a href="https://leelanau.org/" target="_blank">The Leelanau School</a></div><div>My brothers- and sisters-in-law</div><div>The <i>New York Times </i>crossword and Spelling Bee puzzles</div><div>Spotify</div><div>Facebook Marketplace</div><div><a href="http://www.jimbryson.org" target="_blank">Jim Bryson</a></div><div>Apple products</div><div><a href="https://juliakristina.com" target="_blank">Julia Kristina MA Psych<br /></a>Peace and quiet</div><div>Love</div><div>Birds<br />Freshly baked bread with butter</div><div>Reasonably good cooking skills</div><div>Memories of my dad</div><div>Memories of my grandparents</div><div>Democracy<br /><a href="http://www.matthaig.com" target="_blank">Author Matt Haig</a></div><div>Hope (always)<br />Retro-Taku Videogames</div><div>Good health insurance</div><div><a href="https://matthewryanonline.com" target="_blank">Matthew Ryan</a></div><div>Dreams</div><div><br /></div><div>Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who reads this. I hope you're able to enjoy the day, even if you can't be with the people who matter to you most. And if you've lost people who matter to you, I hope they live on for you in the memories you have of them.<br /><br />Peace, love, and good food. And please wear a mask.<br /><br />What are <i>you </i>grateful for today?<br /><br />-Dean</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdUVM31OZjdWC3UWW9TiJbjL2qQZeDA9YNcQHn0MjKWT-4JgQ7iTfiOtxswTvvd3qbtjQS1_6ygpRW3NkMqoqfofq5qtlGqgFQjRmBl4gDfAVKG5vFX8wyz7sNX2jtKW1iXxzuhQ99T72H/s1125/IMG_5127.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1125" data-original-width="1125" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdUVM31OZjdWC3UWW9TiJbjL2qQZeDA9YNcQHn0MjKWT-4JgQ7iTfiOtxswTvvd3qbtjQS1_6ygpRW3NkMqoqfofq5qtlGqgFQjRmBl4gDfAVKG5vFX8wyz7sNX2jtKW1iXxzuhQ99T72H/w400-h400/IMG_5127.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div>DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-75363728000298780802019-11-28T08:08:00.002-05:002019-11-28T14:32:23.164-05:00Thanksgiving GratitudeIt's been forever since I've written <i>anything </i>for this blog, and even longer since I've written anything of a personal nature here. But today I decided I'd stop by and write a simple gratitude list for Thanksgiving. This year has certainly been a challenge, but I still have plenty to be grateful for. So, here goes...<br />
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<u>Some Things I Am Grateful For</u><br />
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Katinka (aka my lovely wife Kathy)<br />
Love<br />
My job with <a href="https://www.familiesagainstnarcotics.org/" target="_blank">Families Against Narcotics (FAN)</a><br />
My 88-year-old mom<br />
My two sons, Sam and Josh<br />
91 days of sobriety for Sam<br />
Narcan<br />
The City of Grosse Pointe Police Department<br />
My amazing next door neighbors and their adorable boys<br />
Great neighbors all around me<br />
A nice home to live in<br />
Music and the people who make it<br />
13 years of kitty love from Ryan (RIP, sweet boy)<br />
Mickey, the sole survivor of the Kitty Triangle trio<br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott/" target="_blank">Anne Lamott</a><br />
The <a href="https://twitter.com/AnneLamottQuote" target="_blank">Anne Lamott Quotes Twitter feed</a><br />
Jason and the Clear Minds sober living house<br />
Good health<br />
31 years of marriage<br />
Reasonably decent cooking skills<br />
A sense of humor<br />
Pizza<br />
<i><a href="https://www.aetv.com/shows/live-pd" target="_blank">Live PD</a></i><br />
Clean water to drink<br />
My mom's cheesecake recipe<br />
My in-laws<br />
Random acts of kindness<br />
Zoloft<br />
Flannel<br />
<a href="https://flyingedna.com/" target="_blank">Brian Andreas</a><br />
My siblings<br />
Stuff my wife knits for me<br />
The ability to help others<br />
<a href="https://leelanau.org/" target="_blank">The Leelanau School</a><br />
<a href="https://toppodcast.com/podcast_feeds/how-to-human-with-sam-lamott/" target="_blank">Sam Lamott's "How to Human" podcast</a><br />
Peace and quiet<br />
The smell of baking bread<br />
<i><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Reasons-Stay-Alive-Matt-Haig/dp/0143128728/ref=sr_1_1?crid=204M5S3HP33NB&keywords=reasons+to+stay+alive+matt+haig&qid=1574945422&s=books&sprefix=reasons+to+sta%2Cblack-friday%2C172&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Reasons to Stay Alive</a></i> and <i><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Notes-Nervous-Planet-Matt-Haig/dp/014313342X/ref=pd_sbs_14_1/143-8157436-6915637?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=014313342X&pd_rd_r=b966af19-2b47-4c6a-85ac-25541b74f009&pd_rd_w=g7p2p&pd_rd_wg=34OxM&pf_rd_p=5873ae95-9063-4a23-9b7e-eafa738c2269&pf_rd_r=3H8KS8HF1GR75N0SBJ64&psc=1&refRID=3H8KS8HF1GR75N0SBJ64" target="_blank">Notes on a Nervous Planet</a></i> (two books by <a href="http://www.matthaig.com/" target="_blank">Matt Haig</a>)<br />
Hope (always)<br />
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Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who reads this. I hope you're able to enjoy the day with the people who matter most to you. And if you've lost people who matter to you, I hope they live on for you in the memories you have of them.<br />
<br />
Peace, love, and good food.<br />
<br />
What are <i>you </i>grateful for today?<br />
<br />
-Dean<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9EICF2QqZfoxRx6OBsOnhH3CdADw0-IUTLdFrpF_n8JcgXa8hzANokfjKOzDQOHDsJ6MROrFc4Cmzig05kpZ133Ma4cLbLsrB9F-EMyix_SBDBv7IfqEPiy5CaX68Pr-Aj8dsiisFGv1H/s1600/IMG_5695.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9EICF2QqZfoxRx6OBsOnhH3CdADw0-IUTLdFrpF_n8JcgXa8hzANokfjKOzDQOHDsJ6MROrFc4Cmzig05kpZ133Ma4cLbLsrB9F-EMyix_SBDBv7IfqEPiy5CaX68Pr-Aj8dsiisFGv1H/s400/IMG_5695.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-84976219225395221662019-05-18T13:15:00.000-04:002019-05-18T13:15:05.992-04:00Book Review: Once More We Saw Stars<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmYU9Lb35MLOJNO8ZdiYyY58sGoGUqUzywJ_LTKygD8z7ti4Q9Xz9jA8iiT_rnpBt1OJJwPtxlta68q8gssTsRyb2zmLydpT_Gqn3r_HIgkxm9u3CAiSPmdFGDXlHY4YVjnE6diu6-xnSK/s1600/91ZzHxCkHNL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1054" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmYU9Lb35MLOJNO8ZdiYyY58sGoGUqUzywJ_LTKygD8z7ti4Q9Xz9jA8iiT_rnpBt1OJJwPtxlta68q8gssTsRyb2zmLydpT_Gqn3r_HIgkxm9u3CAiSPmdFGDXlHY4YVjnE6diu6-xnSK/s320/91ZzHxCkHNL.jpg" width="210" /></a><i>Once More We Saw Stars: A Memoir </i>is a book that is at once heartbreaking and inspirational. Jayson Greene wastes no time getting to the accident that took the life of his 2-year-old daughter, Greta, much too soon; we learn about the tragedy on the second page of the book. From there, Greene takes us on a journey that includes loss, heartbreak, anger, grief, guilt, and just about every other emotion you can imagine. Just how does a young couple deal with such a devastating loss? Greene's brutally honest and beautiful writing makes the reader feel like they are right there with him, his wife Stacy, and his mother-in-law Susan ("Grandma Suz," who was with Greta when the accident occurred) as they navigate their way through the unthinkable. Learning how each one of them manages to live through such a horrible event and come out relatively okay on the other side is an inspiration.<br />
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I found myself getting teary-eyed more times than I can remember while reading <i>Once More We Saw Stars.</i> Some of the things that are said by Jayson and Stacy are just gut-wrenching. For example, not long after Greta's death, Stacy says, "Haven't we done this long enough? Can't we have her back now?" And at one point, Jayson writes: "A pall of societal shame hovers over everyone in this club....Children who lose parents are orphans; bereaved spouses are widows. But what do you call parents who lose children? It seems telling to me there is no word in our language for our situation. It is unspeakable, and by extension, we are not supposed to exist."<br />
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This book also teaches us about the grieving process, and how no two people will go through it in the same way. "Grief is fluid, and it is always changing," a grief expert tells Jayson and Stacy during a retreat. "Above all, 'grief is unique as a fingerprint. We can show you the stages, but they are not a linear journey. In the end, nothing and no one can hand you the map to your own grief.'"<br />
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Yes, this is a sad book. But it is also a book that reinforces the idea that people can--and do--find the strength to deal with unfathomable loss and learn to live again. Is it easy? Hell, no. But if you work hard at it, you can overcome even the worst things in life. I've never been able to imagine what losing a child would be like--until now. Kudos to Jayson Greene for his courageous memoir. <i>Once More We Saw Stars</i> will make you cry, but it will also make you smile. Especially after the birth of the couple's new son, Harrison, of whom Jayson writes: "Under his tutelage, I can feel a frankly ludicrous conviction growing inside of me. We--myself and my wife, the growing child in front of us and the one we never see--are going to be all right."<br />
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Take it from me: This one's a must-read.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3M0TsWObu8SfIECizBs4YNjK9052PaCaewwS9cUCfc_q_JKbXOKRcUcSmeF8kLS-W8XKucdmEb0xqGp-_7r8ppXLzjk82isXtN9cNGDvWe_RLFtpusUjQsOlEtijgkU-Gr2kLoZi9Q3ZP/s1600/ag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="532" data-original-width="800" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3M0TsWObu8SfIECizBs4YNjK9052PaCaewwS9cUCfc_q_JKbXOKRcUcSmeF8kLS-W8XKucdmEb0xqGp-_7r8ppXLzjk82isXtN9cNGDvWe_RLFtpusUjQsOlEtijgkU-Gr2kLoZi9Q3ZP/s400/ag.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jayson Greene and his late daughter, Greta. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-48114993541483560902019-03-04T15:47:00.001-05:002019-03-04T15:57:10.974-05:00Anna David Learned from Her Mistakes...and We Can, TooAnyone who knows me knows that I have an adult son who has struggled on and off with severe depression and addiction for more than a dozen years. I don't try to hide that from anybody. In fact, my son's issues inspired me to become a recovery and mental health advocate. Along the way, I've read just about every book on addiction and recovery I've been able to get my hands on, including countless memoirs and self-help books by people in recovery. And I have to say, <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07P6CKG8R/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i9" target="_blank">How to Get Successful by F*cking Up Your Life: Essays on Addiction & Recovery</a></i> by Anna David is one of the best I've read.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFTf5dce9kJlbs3wI8d8sXtzGrSOrprbDof-bJ3pYMAM2m9e6xplCmbJs1ZyNseOljMjaYcQl0yGKCjOGH-B6MR0lEFT04Bpxbh3qeSxu09HjRq5wUHAa3vZo_4sQddgJtePoYVSnK2EA5/s1600/44176201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="316" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFTf5dce9kJlbs3wI8d8sXtzGrSOrprbDof-bJ3pYMAM2m9e6xplCmbJs1ZyNseOljMjaYcQl0yGKCjOGH-B6MR0lEFT04Bpxbh3qeSxu09HjRq5wUHAa3vZo_4sQddgJtePoYVSnK2EA5/s320/44176201.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
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David is the author of the <i>New York Times</i> bestselling novel <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001AW2OX8/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i3" target="_blank">Party Girl</a></i>, a semi-autobiographical tale about a celebrity journalist who falls victim to a world of drugs, alcohol, and sex, which leads to her self-destruction before she finally finds sobriety. While <i>Party Girl </i>may have been classified as fiction, <i>How to Get Successful by F*cking Up Your Life</i> is 100 percent authentic.<br />
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In David's latest book, she shares essays that document her struggles with addiction and her journey to recovery. The essays, which are brutally honest and oftentimes laugh-out-loud hilarious, are grouped into three sections: What It Was Like [Pre-Sobriety]; What Happened [Early Sobriety]; and What It’s Like Now [Today]. This format allows the reader to ride along and witness first-hand the progress David made on her road to sobriety (potholes and all). And while the essays alone make this book highly entertaining and educational, David goes a step further and includes a value-added twist to the end of each one.<br />
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Personally, I think the "Lesson Learned" feature that appears after each essay is the absolute best part of <i>How to Get Successful by F*cking Up Your Life</i>. This is where David shines the brightest, taking the frequently negative experiences of her addiction/recovery journey and reframing them into a positive lesson that she, and others, can use to improve life going forward.<br />
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For example, in the essay entitled "What Addiction Sounded Like," David talks about how cocaine, the drug that once kept the party going all night long for her, had betrayed her. "It made me unable to do anything but sit in front of my computer and shake," she reveals. And while sitting in front of her computer, trying to write, the computer would emit an annoying "BEEP!" every 60 seconds. "I lived in fear of the beep," David confesses. "It somehow symbolized just how bad things were." At the end of the essay, David shares her lesson learned--“Remember the Bad Times (So You Don’t Repeat Them)”--and provides the reader with some insightful words of wisdom.<br />
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<a href="https://annadavid.com/" target="_blank">Anna David</a> is a gifted, intelligent, funny writer, and this collection of essays shows us that a person can make mistakes in life--BIG mistakes--and still find success and contentment. As she says in the Introduction, David hasn't followed "the typical paths. But at this point in my life I can honestly say I feel successful on all levels…not just with what I’ve achieved but with how I <i>feel</i> about what I’ve achieved, not to mention how I feel about what I <i>haven’t</i> achieved." That’s not a bad place to be, and I'm guessing most people would be incredibly happy to feel the same way. <i>Reading How to Get Successful by F*cking Up Your Life</i> might just help them get there. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizDDN6BbfdgihNx1vqn8-x60aP5wMCD7OVeVWX5oeaMFysfe_RH-GClX0w1fAO8SdEGJlafHUVPxLmTRNKXM8YHu1jDF4ZEE19QwzXorLQp4GnZWFp_s5drZoGRqEhmW-hC64i0o9ujApc/s1600/anna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1542" data-original-width="1542" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizDDN6BbfdgihNx1vqn8-x60aP5wMCD7OVeVWX5oeaMFysfe_RH-GClX0w1fAO8SdEGJlafHUVPxLmTRNKXM8YHu1jDF4ZEE19QwzXorLQp4GnZWFp_s5drZoGRqEhmW-hC64i0o9ujApc/s400/anna.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Anna David (photo from her Facebook page)</td></tr>
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<br />DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-80800190625231370602018-12-11T14:42:00.000-05:002018-12-11T15:05:16.219-05:00HopCat (Finally) Does the Right ThingBack in July of 2015, I wrote a piece about why the name of HopCat's "Crack Fries" bothered me. (The blog first appeared on <a href="https://www.thefix.com/content/why-do-people-think-crack-cocaine-funny" target="_blank">The Fix's website,</a> then was published <a href="https://mylifeas3d.blogspot.com/2015/08/hopcats-crack-fries-bother-me.html" target="_blank">here</a> as well.) At that time, HopCat told me, "We have no plans to change the name." Well, it took a while, but HopCat is finally doing the right thing. Today they announced that they are indeed changing the name of their "Crack Fries."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ-gz5tU8o8hv1kiuAGc4E9-HaDtpI9MKUwpmHmKYsleppSqyIX6xLTXsscyd7F2CymQGF6rpwYYy3DAXFFPkXsLQ1yb9cPv61SsuDSsvCb4JTzlDSX_beO8Z_otgU-XEHPnAwRsCE-OTy/s1600/acrack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ-gz5tU8o8hv1kiuAGc4E9-HaDtpI9MKUwpmHmKYsleppSqyIX6xLTXsscyd7F2CymQGF6rpwYYy3DAXFFPkXsLQ1yb9cPv61SsuDSsvCb4JTzlDSX_beO8Z_otgU-XEHPnAwRsCE-OTy/s320/acrack.jpg" width="320" /></a>In a <a href="https://hopcat.com/blog/post/word-about-our-fries" target="_blank">statement on their website</a>, HopCat says: "We chose the name more than 11 years ago as a reference to the addictive quality of the fries and their cracked pepper seasoning, without consideration for those the drug negatively affected. We were wrong."<br />
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Big kudos to HopCat for making the change. And while I admit that my blog more than likely didn't have anything to do with this development, I like to imagine some HopCat bigwigs referencing it during some important meeting. In any case, this change is a good thing. I might even go check out the HopCat in downtown Detroit now.<br />
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If you'd like to read more, here's the link to a good mLIVE story about the name change:<br />
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<a href="https://www.mlive.com/news/2018/12/hopcats-crack-fries-are-getting-a-name-change.html" target="_blank"><b>HopCat's Crack Fries Are Getting a Name Change</b></a><br />
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And here's a video from Mark Gray, CEO of Barfly Ventures, which is HopCat's parent company:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/26xiom_XKuA" width="480"></iframe>DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-46988396144285795102018-12-10T15:26:00.002-05:002018-12-10T18:02:40.873-05:00High: Everything You Want to Know About Drugs, Alcohol, and Addiction<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg19ndfP25ifpCWw7a6kohGISDoLrGSQKgdMnzJBdS3ZuKRJYibtlcse-4Zic6M9B5C3Hf1s6bCx7RzT7K2lxh3XyFh6T3eCwdDzvEA7EWhJzEDh3votMhNIDSf3tX3EZX0-hP4zNsG6Ioc/s1600/ahigh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="333" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg19ndfP25ifpCWw7a6kohGISDoLrGSQKgdMnzJBdS3ZuKRJYibtlcse-4Zic6M9B5C3Hf1s6bCx7RzT7K2lxh3XyFh6T3eCwdDzvEA7EWhJzEDh3votMhNIDSf3tX3EZX0-hP4zNsG6Ioc/s320/ahigh.jpg" width="212" /></a>I just posted a review of the monumental new book by David and Nic Sheff. It's called <i><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/High-Everything-About-Alcohol-Addiction/dp/0544644344/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1544464979&sr=8-1&keywords=david+sheff+high" target="_blank">High: Everything You Want to Know About Drugs, Alcohol, and Addiction</a></i>, and it's a book that every young person and their parents should read.<br />
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As you probably already know, David Sheff is the author of <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Beautiful-Boy-Fathers-Journey-Addiction/dp/0547203888/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1544472375&sr=8-2&keywords=beautiful+boy+david+sheff" target="_blank">Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction</a></i>, which was recently made into a movie (<i>Beautiful Boy</i>) starring Steve Carrell and Timothée Chalamet. And Nic Sheff told his side of his story of addiction in the book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Tweak-Growing-Methamphetamines-Nic-Sheff/dp/1416972196/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1544472480&sr=8-2&keywords=tweak+growing+up+on+methamphetamines+nic+sheff" target="_blank"><i>Tweak: Growing up on Methamphetamines</i></a>. Now they've joined forces to write <i>High</i>, a fabulous, informative book that has been needed for many years.<br />
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If you'd like to read my review of <i>High</i>--and, hopefully, give it a "Helpful" vote over at Amazon (those are always appreciated)--click on this link:<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/review/R3JUSWEE455S44/ref=pe_1098610_137716200_cm_rv_eml_rv0_rv" target="_blank"><b>Take me to Dean's review of <i>High </i>on Amazon.com</b></a><br />
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I think this book is going to be huge when it comes out on 1/8/19. Kudos to David and Nic Sheff for creating it. It's going to save a lot of lives.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nic and David Sheff</td></tr>
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<br />DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-16830091248974780922018-10-16T07:57:00.000-04:002018-10-24T16:15:42.390-04:00Anne Lamott Gives Us a Reason for HopeAs I often tell people, the writings of Anne Lamott were introduced to me at a time in my life when I was struggling badly. My oldest son was in the throes of addiction. I was battling depression. And I felt like my whole world was falling apart. I was, in a word, hopeless. But my wife was a big fan of Anne Lamott and suggested I take a look at a few of her books. Figuring I had absolutely nothing to lose, I took my wife up on her suggestion. And it literally changed my life.
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For someone who was pretty much out of hope, reading Lamott's thoughtful and spiritual musings was the best thing I could've done for myself. It didn't take long to figure out that Anne's words were a beacon that could help guide me out of one of the darkest periods of my life.<o:p></o:p>
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"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." That passage from Lamott's <i><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Bird-Some-Instructions-Writing-Life/dp/0385480016/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539688713&sr=8-1&keywords=bird+by+bird+anne+lamott" target="_blank">Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life</a></i> made me stand up and take notice. Maybe there <i>was</i><b> </b>still hope for me. Maybe I <i>could</i><b> </b>navigate the storm I was in the midst of and find some peace in my world. Another passage about hope, this one from Anne's <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Plan-B-Further-Thoughts-Faith/dp/1594481571/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539688794&sr=8-1&keywords=plan+b+further+thoughts+on+faith" target="_blank"><i>Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith</i></a>, also resonated with me: "Hope is not about proving anything. It's about choosing to believe this one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us."<br />
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Anne Lamott gave me back some hope. Now she’s given us an <i>entire book</i> about hope. And it's wonderful.<o:p></o:p>
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Lamott tells us in the Prelude to <i><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Almost-Everything-Notes-Anne-Lamott/dp/0525537449/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539690573&sr=8-1&keywords=almost+everything+by+anne+lamott" target="_blank">Almost Everything: Notes on Hope</a></i> that the book began as a list for her grandson and niece, "who are both exuberant and worried, as I was at their age and still am some days." "Dearest," she writes. "Here is everything I know about almost everything, that I think applies to almost everyone, that might help you someday."<br />
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Yes, we're living in tumultuous times. But that doesn't mean we can't be grateful for the good things in our world, too. Lamott makes that perfectly clear in the first sentence of this book: "I am stockpiling antibiotics for the apocalypse, even as I await the blossoming of paperwhites on the windowsill in the kitchen." Those paperwhites? They represent <i>hope</i>. We just have to see and recognize it.<br />
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"Hope springs from that which is right in front of us, which surprises us, and seems to work."<br />
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Amen, Annie.
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In <i>Almost Everything</i>, Anne Lamott explores life, death, love, hate, families (aka, "famblies"), food, writing, and more, and she does it with her usual candidness and (sometimes dark) wit. "I have just always found it extremely hard to be here, on this side of eternity, because of, well, other people; and death." She's also not afraid to throw a little self-deprecation into the mix: "Scientists say we are made of stars, and I believe them, although my upper arms look like hell."<br />
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Lamott is so adept at reminding us that things are never as bad as they may seem. If we practice gratitude ("Gratitude is seeing how someone changed your heart and quality of life, helped you become the good parts of the person you are") and see the good in everything--and everyONE ("Empathy begins when we realize how much alike we all are")--our lives will be much more satisfying and fulfilling. We have to do the next right thing and "live in the light, not the dark of the sad past." Is that always easy? Of course not. But having Anne remind us through her wise observations and meaningful stories makes it easier; and it is incredibly comforting, too.
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I adore everything Anne Lamott writes, because I can relate to her on so many different levels. She thinks so many of the same things I think, which helps make me feel like I'm not alone. And, best of all, she's a master at pointing out the silver linings--no matter how small--that I may not be able to see. <o:p></o:p>
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This book will make you realize that there is <i>always</i><b> </b>a reason for hope. "If you arrive at a place in life that is miserable, it will change," Lamott promises. "Some days there seems to be little reason for hope, in our families, cities, and world. Well, except for almost everything."<br />
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-52802184460859180932018-02-20T12:05:00.000-05:002018-02-20T17:31:48.325-05:00From Stomach Flu Sufferer to "Cancer Survivor" in 45 DaysIn my last post, entitled <a href="http://mylifeas3d.blogspot.com/2018/02/everything-happens-for-reason_2.html" target="_blank">"Everything Happens for a Reason,"</a> I told you the story of how the little angel baby next door gave me a bad case of the stomach flu just before Christmas. That led to a trip to the ER, which led to an X-ray, CT Scan, and MRI of my abdomen, which revealed that I had a small mass (oxymoron!) on my right kidney. Ugh.<br />
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On Tuesday, February 6th, I underwent surgery to have that mass removed, not knowing whether it was cancerous or not. The technical name for the procedure I had done is a "robotic-assisted laprascopic partial right nephrectomy." That's a fancy way of saying the doctor used something akin to a medical video game to go in and cut out a chunk of my right kidney, taking the tumor with it.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My post-surgery belly</td></tr>
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The nice thing about this surgery--if there can really be something <i>nice</i> about having part of one of your body's vital organs removed--is that it could be done via four smallish puncture wounds in my abdomen and a small incision in my belly button (through which they removed the tumor). Thank God for robots.<br />
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The surgery went as well as it possibly could have, and after an overnight stay in the hospital I was on my way home just about 24 hours later. I was sore and a bit limited in my ability to move for a few days, but I was incredibly lucky to have my amazing wife to take care of me.<br />
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Last week, I followed up with my urologist and got the results of the pathology report on my tumor.<br />
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Measuring 2.2 cm x 2.1 cm x 1.6 cm, the mass removed from my kidney was indeed cancerous. Officially, it was a "papillary renal cell carcinoma, Type I." But the doctor told me they got all of it--"it just kind of plopped out," he said--and there were no signs of cancer in any of the fatty tissue adjacent to the tumor. In my doctor's words, I'm "gonna be fine." No need for any chemo or radiation. Just a follow-up CT scan in eight weeks or so to see how things look without the tumor there. And maybe a couple/few CT scans down the road just to make sure things continue to look good.<br />
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Whew. That's a load off my mind, for sure. Obviously, I was hoping the mass was benign, but if it was going to end up being cancerous, I think this scenario is about as good as I could've hoped for.<br />
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When I posted the pathology report findings on Facebook (because that's what we do nowadays, right?), I got a lot of love from my friends. A few of them even referred to me as a "cancer survivor," which made me feel kind of strange. I wondered: Can I be a cancer survivor despite the fact that I didn't even <i>know</i> I had cancer until it was removed from my body? I guess so, but I tend to think of cancer survivors as people who are diagnosed <i>prior</i> to having to undergo surgery, or chemo, or radiation. People who fight like hell to beat cancer and succeed. People whose bodies and minds suffer greatly while they go through the battle of their lifetime. Me? I went from having a bad case of the stomach flu to having a tumor removed in just 45 days. I barely had time to <i>worry</i> about cancer, let alone survive it.<br />
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If people want to call me a cancer survivor, I'll begrudgingly accept it. After all, it's way better than the alternative. But I know there are true cancer survivors out there who have been through a hell of a lot more than I have, and who are way stronger than me.<br />
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One thing is for certain, though: I will be forever grateful that my little buddy next door--his name is Everett--got me sick so doctors could discover a cancerous tumor on my kidney. If I didn't get the stomach flu from Ev, that tumor would still be growing inside of me. And who knows how long it would've been before it was discovered. Or <i>if</i> it would've been discovered? Or what my prognosis would've been by the time someone finally figured out I had cancer?<br />
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I have to admit, this whole serendipitous experience has freaked me out a little. But in a good way. And I am thankful for whatever force, or forces, put it all into motion.<br />
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<i>"Can you still have any famous last words/If you're somebody nobody knows..."</i><br />
<i>--Ryan Adams (from his song "Strawberry Wine")</i><br />
<br />DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-69287627560719770432018-02-02T15:16:00.000-05:002018-02-02T15:16:10.317-05:00Everything Happens for a ReasonAuthor's Note: I started writing this blog post yesterday. And then I tried again today. But the story was getting so long and wordy that I didn't think anybody would want to read it. My dad used to say this about people who talked too much: "You ask 'em what time it is and they tell you how to build a watch!" I didn't want to be <i>that</i> guy, so I decided to try and distill my story down to fewer words, and put it into a format that (hopefully) won't bore people to tears. Enjoy!<br />
<br />
<i>"Everything happens for a reason."</i><br />
<br />
I used to have a hard time subscribing to that theory, but as I've gotten old(er) it seems like as good a way as any to explain some of the weird things that occur in our everyday life. Especially the things that start out bad, but end up maybe being blessings in disguise. And the things that make you stop and think hard. Really hard. Case in point...<br />
<br />
<b>Afternoon of December 21st: </b>My neighbor sends me a Facebook message asking me if I could come over and give her a hand, because her adorable seven-month-old baby, who was sick, had just thrown up again and it was "everywhere." So she needed help holding the little guy while she cleaned up the mess. I run next door to help--the puke really was <i>everywhere</i>--and eventually my wife shows up, too. My neighbor asks us: "What if you guys get sick?" My wife answers: "We'll just deal with it."<br />
<br />
<b>Wee Small Hours of the Morning of December 23rd: </b>I get up to go to the bathroom and I feel super dizzy. A few minutes later, <i>I'm</i> the one who's puking my guts out. Multiple times. After making a mental note to never eat Chinese food again, I wake my wife up and tell her she has to take me to the hospital. I guess this is "dealing with it."<br />
<br />
<b>At the Hospital: </b>The doctors and nurses (eventually) take good care of me, and several hours, IVs, and medications later, I'm finally starting to feel like I might live after all. But the powers-that-be decide to keep me overnight for observation. Woohoo!<br />
<br />
<b>December 24th:</b> It's Christmas Eve day and I'm feeling reasonably okay. I've even progressed from being on an all liquid diet to eating real hospital "food." My stomach appears to be fine. But wait! The doctors tell me that my stomach x-ray and CT scan seemed to show something abnormal with my right kidney. So now they want me to have an MRI done. Wonderful.<br />
<br />
I get the MRI done, but not before I almost throw up in the MRI machine. (Apparently, I had some kind of reaction to the contrast liquid they put in my IV before the test.) Now I'm anxious to go home. But a doctor comes in and says the MRI confirmed that something is indeed amiss with my kidney, and that he doesn't feel comfortable reading the MRI and talking to me about it, so I have to have a urologist do that. And the urologist on call has already left for the day, so I have to spend another night in the hospital and talk to the urologist in the morning. WTF???<br />
<br />
<b>December 25th: </b>Merry effing Christmas. I'm in the hospital on Christmas morning, my wife is sitting in a chair at the foot of my bed knitting (surprise!), and we're waiting for the urologist. I, of course, continue to imagine all the most horrible scenarios I can possibly imagine, including the "C" word. The one positive I keep coming back to? At least it's my kidney, because I have two of them, and I'm pretty sure a human only needs one kidney live.<br />
<br />
Eventually, the urologist shows up and pulls up my MRI films on his computer. He shows us the mass that has decided to call my right kidney its home. Luckily, it's small (2.0 x 1.8 cm). And it's right on the edge of the kidney, too. (Kind of like a pimple on the end of your nose.) The doctor says it's likely a tumor, not a cyst, and tells us we can either have a biopsy done and go from there, or just have the thing removed, because it should be pretty simple. His suggestion is the latter, and we think that seems like the best way to go.<br />
<br />
After the consult, I finally get to go home and open gifts with my family. My favorite Christmas present? A purple paring knife from my wife. My least favorite Christmas present? This goddamn tumor on my kidney! 😢<br />
<br />
A few days later, my wife and I follow up with the urologist at his office. We finalize the decision to have the tumor surgically removed, and the next day we're informed that the surgery is scheduled for February 26th. Unfortunately, that's just a couple days before a concert we already have tickets for (<a href="https://www.facebook.com/phoebebridgers/" target="_blank">Phoebe Bridgers</a>), so we call to see if we can possibly get an earlier date. The surgery scheduler tells us that if we change hospitals, the procedure can be done on February 2nd. Great! Sounds like a plan!<br />
<br />
But a week before the 2nd, I get a phone call from the urologist's office. They have to cancel my surgery and reschedule it because my doctor had a meeting come up that he has to attend. Seriously?!? All I can think is that this meeting had better be the most important damn meeting of this doctor's life.<br />
<br />
The next day, the doctor's office calls to tell me my new surgery date is February 6th. And after I hang up, I start to freak out a bit.<br />
<br />
It took me a little while to put two and two together, but when I finally did I realized this:<br />
<br />
February 6th, 2018 = 5 years to the day that my father died...in the same hospital I'm supposed to have my surgery at.<br />
<br />
Gulp.<br />
<br />
I have to admit, this spooked me out for a few days. I mean, it spooked me out to the point where I was seriously considering calling and having them reschedule my surgery yet again.<br />
<br />
The other day, though, I was driving my sister to work--she had fallen and hurt her arm, so she couldn't drive--and we had a conversation about this weird "coincidence." I confessed to her that I was more than a little uneasy about it. That's when she told me about another possibility: Maybe my surgery got moved to the day and hospital it did so my dad could watch over me. "Everything happens for a reason," she said to me, matter of factly. Hmmmmm, I thought to myself. Maybe instead of this being a creepy, scary thing, it's actually a <i>good</i> thing.<br />
<br />
To be honest, that hadn't even crossed my mind before I talked to my sister. And the more I thought about it, the more I felt comforted by the notion that my dad might be there with me on Tuesday while my doctor and his robot perform a partial right nephrectomy on me. If you're gonna have someone watch over you in the operating room, it might as well be your dad, right?<br />
<br />
So I decided not to change the date after all. Because <i>everything happens for a reason</i>. My neighbor's baby got me sick so I'd go to the hospital and they'd find a tumor I never would've known about otherwise. Then a concert and a meeting caused the date of my surgery to get changed to the anniversary date of my father's death; and the location to get changed to the same hospital that he died in. And my sister hurting her arm resulted in me driving her to work and talking about a fear that she turned into something incredibly comforting.<br />
<br />
And suddenly, everything makes sense.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzN9n9XqWYfJQI43UIe8AUk7sMf1QkBuUO-EipcNGOgHTXOupNRKHBg5X_V3GFjWCeaD5V3i446R700tgh_OWuks4yRK3VFXN4JqvfinjppQqgPJ9f3NZ9qQ1da75mDmyq2DuNu1dmL9kM/s1600/axmas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzN9n9XqWYfJQI43UIe8AUk7sMf1QkBuUO-EipcNGOgHTXOupNRKHBg5X_V3GFjWCeaD5V3i446R700tgh_OWuks4yRK3VFXN4JqvfinjppQqgPJ9f3NZ9qQ1da75mDmyq2DuNu1dmL9kM/s400/axmas.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What my Christmas Eve looked like.</td></tr>
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<br />DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-47600339922423266082018-01-31T12:35:00.001-05:002018-01-31T17:58:32.403-05:00Looking Back: January 31, 2007As I've mentioned here at least <a href="http://mylifeas3d.blogspot.com/2014/01/looking-back-january-24-2007.html" target="_blank">once before</a>, my writings haven't always lived in this blog. Before I finally got the guts to go public, my stream-of-consciousness thoughts as the father of a son struggling with depression and addiction were tucked away safely on my laptop, in a big-ass Microsoft Word document that I creatively named "journal.doc".<br />
<br />
Sometimes I go back and read the stuff I wrote in that journal. I don't know why I do it. Maybe it's to see how I've weathered the storm. Maybe it's to see how far I've come as a person. Or, maybe, I'm just a masochist. Whatever the reason, a couple times a year I'll double-click "journal.doc" and reflect on was happening on this date all those years ago.<br />
<br />
I did that this morning. And for January 31, 2007, this is part of what I wrote:<br />
<br />
<b><u>January 31, 2007</u></b><br />
<br />
<b>6:43am: You know, I was thinking in the shower…I'm in so much pain internally that I don't even seem to feel it anymore. I know it's there, but it's like I've become numb to the feeling. A very weird sensation. I'm hurting, yet I don't hurt. I wonder what that means. Am I losing my emotions? Have I reached a point where I’m just like Jack Nicholson in <i>Cuckoo's Nest</i>? I don't know. But if pain was a visible entity, and you sliced me open, I'm sure you'd see that I was full of it. I heard some injured Winter X-Games dude say something in an interview the other night after he injured his knee skiing or something: "Pain is just negativity leaving the body." If I no longer feel pain, but I know it's inside me, does that mean the negativity is no longer leaving my body? Does that mean I'm just going to become one big ball of negativity? I hope not.
</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I remember feeling that way. I remember it like it was yesterday. Being in so much emotional pain that I couldn't even feel it. Completely numb. Like the post-electroconvulsive therapy version of R.P. McMurphy near the end of <i>One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, </i>just before <a href="https://youtu.be/NLWzSGQAnSg" target="_blank">Chief puts the pillow over his face</a> and puts him out of his misery.<i> </i>Devoid of any feelings whatsoever.<br />
<br />
That was not a fun time for me. Or my family.<br />
<br />
Ten years later, though, I can honestly say I'm in a much better place. Sure, things with my son are better--not great, but better. But I know I've grown as a person, too. (Therapy helped. I highly recommend it.) I don't let things consume me like I used to. And I try to relax and embrace whatever life throws at me, as best I can. Am I perfect? Of course not. I'll be the first to admit that I still have my "moments," when shit hitting the fan can get the best of me. But even when that happens, I am usually able to recover relatively quickly. That, my friends, is progress. And life, like recovery, is all about progress, not perfection.<br />
<br />
Thank God I didn't become that big ball of negativity. That means there's hope for everyone.<br />
<br />
<i>"We have a choice. We can spend our whole life suffering because we can't relax with how things really are, or we can relax and embrace the open-endedness of the human situation, which is fresh, unfixated, unbiased." --Pema Chödrön</i><br />
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<br />DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-16626634864244149302017-12-15T14:18:00.000-05:002017-12-15T14:19:55.783-05:00Can You Help a Family Shattered by a Horrible Tragedy?I got to write the <a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Causes and Effect: My Year of Giving Daily blog</a> for six days this month and donated to some wonderful causes each day. But there's a cause that, unfortunately, popped up after my Causes and Effect run was over that I need share:<br />
<br />
The <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/wrongway-driver-accident" target="_blank">I-275 Wrong-Way Tragedy" GoFundMe campaign</a> exists because of a <a href="http://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/wayne-county/2017/12/12/fatal-wrong-way-crash-closes-part-275-north/944364001/" target="_blank">horrific accident</a> that occurred the morning of December 12th. A 59-year-old man was driving the wrong way on Interstate 275 in Canton, Michigan, that morning and slammed head-on into another car, killing Nicholas Pare, 33, and his fianceé, Sharon McIntyre, 32.<br />
<br />
Police found an open bottle of vodka in the car that was going the wrong way and say that alcohol was possibly involved in the crash.<br />
<br />
Nicholas Pare and Sharon McIntyre were innocent victims. So are the three children they leave behind, ages 7, 13, and 15.<br />
<br />
Authorities are waiting for toxicology tests to come back before charging the wrong-way driver (who, of course, sustained non-life-threatening injuries). Right now, they won't say if the driver was drunk or not, but you don't have to be a genius to figure out that he probably was. An open container of alcohol in the car and driving the wrong way on a freeway at 10:40am on a Tuesday morning are pretty good pieces of evidence, if you ask me.<br />
<br />
Drunk driving sucks. Consider these statistics from the <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/impaired_driving/impaired-drv_factsheet.html" target="_blank">Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)</a>:<br />
<ul>
<li>In 2015, 10,265 people died in alcohol-impaired driving crashes, accounting for nearly one-third (29%) of all traffic-related deaths in the United States.</li>
<li>Of the 1,132 traffic deaths among children ages 0 to 14 years in 2015, 209 (16%) involved an alcohol-impaired driver.</li>
<li>In 2015, nearly 1.1 million drivers were arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol or narcotics. That’s 1% of the 111 million self-reported episodes of alcohol-impaired driving among U.S. adults each year.</li>
</ul>
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Those numbers sicken me, and until this country decides to do something drastic to combat our drunk driving problem, they will just get worse.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I don't know what the answer is. Maybe it's mandatory ignition interlock devices on all cars, like <a href="http://mylifeas3d.blogspot.com/2015/04/has-time-come-for-mandatory-ignition.html" target="_blank">I wrote about back in 2015</a>. Or maybe it's a zero-tolerance policy for impaired driving. Or harsher sentences for first-time offenders. Or something no one else has even thought of yet. I just know that <b>something has to be done</b>. Human lives depend on it.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
I grew up the son of an alcoholic father, which is one reason why the subject of drunk driving gets my blood boiling. As I wrote in <a href="http://mylifeas3d.blogspot.com/2009/03/please-dont-drink-and-drive.html" target="_blank">a post about another tragedy</a> back in 2009:</div>
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<br /></div>
<i>My father was an alcoholic who had more DUIs than I could even count. On more than one occasion, he hit parked cars and all I can remember is thanking God that the cars were parked and empty. As a kid, riding in the car with my dad while he was intoxicated was a regular occurrence. I will never forget how scared I was, wondering if I was going to make it home alive, but too terrified to speak up about it. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Whenever I hear about an incident like the one that killed Nicholas Pare and Sharon McIntyre, I think about my dad. And I'm grateful that he never physically hurt anyone as a result of his drunk driving.<br />
<br />
Today my family made a $20.00 donation to the GoFundMe campaign for Nicholas and Sharon's family. It will help them pay for two funerals and start a fund to take care of three kids who have had their lives completely shattered, just in time for Christmas. If you have <i>any </i>extra money at all this holiday season, please consider making a donation, too. It doesn't have to be a large donation. Just something. Anything at all. Believe me, every little bit will help immensely.<br />
<br />
And, as a final reminder... If you drink, please don't even <i>think</i> about driving. Because so often it's other people who end up suffering the greatest pain.<br />
<br />
Below is a direct link to the GoFundMe campaign. If you donate, feel free to let me know in the comments below. It will make my heart happy to know that I was able to round up an extra donation or two for a family going through hell this holiday season.<br />
<br />
Rest in peace, Nicholas and Sharon.<br />
<br />
Click here to donate: <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/wrongway-driver-accident" target="_blank">I-275 Wrong-Way Tragedy" GoFundMe campaign</a><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCj3qtG_hMAmILk5oJ_8prRuZaKXWVgeB06JkILlsIT-aMJEQFrZ1Lg19x5ze4pPCe1Wf7PJrOyCu06O6Wl21l9rYMvXletmT-wT83VVpvCcbvUTky3uLW0ELosnK0MELiFgBmrxO8BGib/s1600/26179656_1513199596.8627_funddescription.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="423" data-original-width="600" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCj3qtG_hMAmILk5oJ_8prRuZaKXWVgeB06JkILlsIT-aMJEQFrZ1Lg19x5ze4pPCe1Wf7PJrOyCu06O6Wl21l9rYMvXletmT-wT83VVpvCcbvUTky3uLW0ELosnK0MELiFgBmrxO8BGib/s400/26179656_1513199596.8627_funddescription.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This family has been torn apart and the kids need your help.</td></tr>
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-73058400607935338682017-12-12T12:24:00.000-05:002017-12-12T12:24:44.821-05:00Causes and Effect, 12/12/17: Help Mark Dahlem & His Family Battle Brain Cancer (YouCaring campaign)The sixth and final post of my six-day-long stint as writer of the <a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Causes and Effect: My Year of Giving Daily</a> blog can be found over at Tumblr. Here's the link to today's post:<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/post/168470099223/helping-a-police-officer-and-his-family-battle" target="_blank">Helping a Police Officer and His Family Battle Brain Cancer</a><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Today, the <a href="https://www.youcaring.com/kimberlydahlem-1038323" target="_blank">Help Mark Dahlem & His Family Battle Brain Cancer YouCaring campaign</a> is the recipient of a $10.00 donation from my family.<br />
<br />
If you would like to make a contribution to this campaign, you can do so here:</div>
<div>
<br />
<a href="https://www.youcaring.com/kimberlydahlem-1038323" target="_blank">Help Mark Dahlem & His Family Battle Brain Cancer</a><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Six down, zero to go.<br />
<br />
Thanks again to Melinda Newman for letting me come back and have another chance to participate in this incredibly fulfilling exercise in humanity.</div>
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Peace.<br />
<br />
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-9755601642367772512017-12-11T12:43:00.000-05:002017-12-11T12:43:55.990-05:00Causes and Effect, 12/11/17: One SpiritThe fifth post of my six-day-long stint as writer of the <a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Causes and Effect: My Year of Giving Daily</a> blog can be found over at Tumblr. Here's the link to today's post:<br />
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<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/post/168433874673/one-spirit-helping-american-indians-survive" target="_blank">One Spirit: Helping American Indians Survive</a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Today, the <a href="http://nativeprogress.org/en/" target="_blank">One Spirit</a> is the recipient of a $10.00 donation from my family.<br />
<br />
If you would like to make a contribution to One Spirit, you can do so here:</div>
<div>
<br />
<a href="http://nativeprogress.org/en/help-now" target="_blank">One Spirit's donation page</a><br />
<br /></div>
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Five down, one to go.</div>
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Peace.<br />
<br />
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-3276448020687619902017-12-10T15:28:00.000-05:002017-12-10T15:31:40.373-05:00Causes and Effect, 12/10/17: Detroit Rescue Mission MinistriesThe fourth post of my six-day-long stint as writer of the <a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Causes and Effect: My Year of Giving Daily</a> blog can be found over at Tumblr. Here's the link to today's post:<br />
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<a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/post/168402359478/rebuilding-detroit-one-life-at-a-time" target="_blank">DRMM: Rebuilding Detroit, One Life at a Time</a></div>
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Today, the <a href="http://drmm.org/" target="_blank">Detroit Rescue Mission Ministries (DRMM)</a> is the recipient of a $10.00 donation from my family. (Thanks to a grant opportunity that quadruples all donations through December 31st, that donation will be worth $40.00!)<br />
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If you would like to make a contribution to DRMM, you can do so here:</div>
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<a href="https://drmm.org/donate/" target="_blank">The Detroit Rescue Mission Ministries donation page</a><br />
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Four down, two to go.</div>
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Peace.<br />
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-27256260402645652322017-12-09T15:14:00.000-05:002017-12-12T12:25:28.769-05:00Causes and Effect, 12/9/17: NAMI and Support for Tracy and Zack (GoFundMe campaign)The the third post of my six-day-long stint as writer of the <a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Causes and Effect: My Year of Giving Daily</a> blog can be found over at Tumblr. Here's the link to today's post:<br />
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<a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/post/168365560783/nami-speaking-up-for-those-with-mental-illness" target="_blank">NAMI: Speaking up for Those with Mental Illness</a></div>
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Today, my family is making two donations of $10.00: One to the <a href="https://www.nami.org/" target="_blank">National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)</a>, and one to the <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/support-for-tracy-and-zach" target="_blank">Support for Tracy and Zack GoFundMe campaign</a>.<br />
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If you would like to make a contribution to NAMI, you can do so here:</div>
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<a href="https://ifundraise.nami.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donate.event&eventID=503&referrer=WEBHH&utm_source=homepage&utm_medium=hero&utm_campaign=peaceofmind" target="_blank">The National Alliance on Mental Illness's donation page</a><br />
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If you would like to make a contribution to the Support for Tracy and Zack GoFundMe campaign, you can do so here:<br />
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<a href="https://www.gofundme.com/support-for-tracy-and-zach" target="_blank">Support for Tracy and Zack GoFundMe campaign donation page</a><br />
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Three down, three to go.</div>
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Peace.<br />
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-81616807262250803852017-12-08T10:49:00.000-05:002017-12-10T15:32:12.820-05:00Causes and Effect, 12/8/17: The Leelanau SchoolThe second post of my six-day-long stint as writer of the <a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Causes and Effect: My Year of Giving Daily</a> blog can be found over at Tumblr. Here's the link to today's post:<br />
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<a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/post/168325053023/the-leelanau-school-a-better-way-to-learn" target="_blank">The Leelanau School: A Better Way to Learn</a></div>
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Today, the <a href="http://leelanau.org/" target="_blank">Leelanau School</a> is the recipient of a $10.00 donation from my family. If you would like to make a contribution to Leelanau, you can do so here:</div>
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<a href="http://leelanau.org/leelanau-boarding-school/leelanau-school-alumni-friends/leelanau-school-donation-page/" target="_blank">The Leelanau School's donation page</a><br />
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Two down, four to go.</div>
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Peace.<br />
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-41217227194470704412017-12-07T12:28:00.002-05:002017-12-07T12:28:29.591-05:00Causes and Effect, 12/7/17: Michigan Humane SocietyBack in December of 2015, I took over the <a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Causes and Effect: My Year of Giving Daily</a> blog for a month. Started by entertainment and culture journalist Melinda Newman back in <a href="http://causesandeffectmyyearofgivingdaily.blogspot.com/2013/01/january-1-2013-happy-new-year-welcome.html" target="_blank">2013</a>, the premise of the blog is simple: Donate $10.00 every day of the year to a different organization or individual that needs it, and write about your experiences daily. As she wrote in her first blog post, "The only criteria is to give the money to some outlet that needs it that day more than I do."<br />
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Writing the Causes and Effect blog for a month was one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done. So, as the blog gets ready to wrap up after a five-year run, I was thrilled to be asked back by Melinda to be in charge of the blog for six days this month.<br />
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Today is the first of those days and my post honors my late feline companion, Elliott, with a donation to the Michigan Humane Society.
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Here's the link to today's post:<br />
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<a href="http://myyearofgivingdaily.tumblr.com/post/168292991988/because-animal-lives-matter-too" target="_blank">Because Animal Lives Matter, Too</a></div>
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Today, the <a href="http://www.michiganhumane.org/" target="_blank">Michigan Humane Society (MHS)</a> is the recipient of a $10.00 donation from my family. If you would like to make a contribution to the MHS, you can do so here:</div>
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<a href="https://secure2.convio.net/mihs/site/Donation2?df_id=8820&8820.donation=form1" target="_blank">Michigan Humane Society's donation page</a><br />
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One down, five to go.</div>
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Peace.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp8OqdLVEGky7b9XsEl5-LN8hLhs6zUB5DS-7zapReGb3QGh9V2_vEeQR3u6ISkJr86McIHagcT9HcMnHh-6nShzVZ1abjIdyuspg2U0FAxh3_tt21CaJ2vQFvonsSyBPSv3s2kNxU1MQN/s1600/Desktop57.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp8OqdLVEGky7b9XsEl5-LN8hLhs6zUB5DS-7zapReGb3QGh9V2_vEeQR3u6ISkJr86McIHagcT9HcMnHh-6nShzVZ1abjIdyuspg2U0FAxh3_tt21CaJ2vQFvonsSyBPSv3s2kNxU1MQN/s400/Desktop57.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rest in peace, Elliott. We miss you.</td></tr>
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-67068635667186750102017-11-28T17:39:00.000-05:002017-11-29T12:04:03.635-05:00My Son Started a BlogMy older son, who--as readers of this blog already know--has struggled a lot in his life, has started a blog. It's called <i><a href="https://samwyatt1212.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">A tumbleweed in a traffic jam: Thoughts, stories, and ramblings from the twisted mind of a recovering addict</a> </i>and I think it's going to be a good thing for him. As he said in a Facebook post last night:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"Some of my blogs are short stories. Some are poems. Some are lyrics to songs I've written that just never materialized. Little bit of everything. Eventually, I'll delve a little deeper into what happened to me and what it was like. If it helps even one person, it's worth it."</i></blockquote>
My son is a terrific writer, and I'm glad he's taken the time to create this outlet for his work. I also look forward to him eventually writing about his experiences, because I know how cathartic writing can be. Getting stuff out of his head and onto paper (or, I guess, a screen) will be liberating, I'm sure.<br />
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If you have a spare few minutes, head over to <a href="https://samwyatt1212.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">my son's blog</a> and check it out. Maybe even consider subscribing to it via email. And if you like something you read over there, leave a comment and let my son know. I think he's a little anxious about putting himself "out there," so any validation or positive feedback he gets will definitely be reassuring for him. Lord knows, that would not be a bad thing.<br />
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I love my son so much. And I'm super proud of him.<br />
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-4427515486320856462017-11-28T12:28:00.003-05:002017-11-28T16:05:19.635-05:00Feeling Out of SyncMy life is out of sync. For some reason, the man or woman in charge of things upstairs decided that November would be a good time to mess with me. I'm not sure if they were bored or just looking for a little extra curricular fun, but for most of this month I've felt like I'm stuck in a never-ending episode of <i>Punk'd</i>, minus Ashton Kutcher (thank God).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMZxObbz5D5BrL0tibM-gBS6EGlVrWJkC-3VreTywy6Md3XrdJqqY5c5lI4N0rWB7iNPIypwHlA5SvzhTb8HQ3hHSgERg5eFfUer2eVgoMpsyf20rf33nscovEAFwwVnA5oCHfIMtes7aR/s1600/CheckEngineLight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMZxObbz5D5BrL0tibM-gBS6EGlVrWJkC-3VreTywy6Md3XrdJqqY5c5lI4N0rWB7iNPIypwHlA5SvzhTb8HQ3hHSgERg5eFfUer2eVgoMpsyf20rf33nscovEAFwwVnA5oCHfIMtes7aR/s200/CheckEngineLight.jpg" width="200" /></a>It started a few weeks ago when the "check engine" light on our 2007 Ford Focus (aka "The Silver Bullet") lit up in all its dreaded yellow glory, and it's kind of snowballed from there. If I had a dollar for every time I've said "Oh, great" or "What the fuck?" to myself since this streak started, I wouldn't have to worry about money, which is something I worry about pretty much all the time. (Living paycheck-to-paycheck is even more challenging when you've been without a regular paycheck for about three years.)<br />
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In addition to a $1,000+ repair to the Silver Bullet--which had to be done twice, because the first time the new part that was installed was defective (oh, great)--I got stuck with a $600+ repair to our 2010 Toyota Highlander. This fix is finally getting done after a surreal series of events at the Toyota dealership that had been servicing our car for the last five years or so. I didn't know that mutinies could happen at car dealers, but apparently they can. And that's what happened at my trusted dealer when all of their service people up and quit, forcing me to track down another dealer to fix my car.<br />
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What the fuck?<br />
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I know. Car repairs are, unfortunately, a part of life, but why do they always seem to rear their ugly heads at the worst possible times? I guess there's never really a <i>good</i> time to fork over money you don't have to fix a car. But knowing that doesn't help much. It still hurts like hell. I suppose I should just be grateful that both cars are fixable. Right??<br />
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Another bizarre thing happened to me the other day. I had ordered a sheep toilet paper holder from an online store I'd never ordered from before. It was scheduled to show up on Saturday and I was pretty excited to get it and hang it up. (Yes, things like that can be exciting when you're old.) When the postal carrier dropped off the package, I eagerly tore it open, only to find...some kind of garden sculpture made from a bunch of rocks.<br />
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Oh, great.<br />
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This is the first time anything like this had ever happened to me. The packing slip said "sheep toilet paper holder," but someone upstairs figured they'd have a laugh at my expense and sent me a box of rocks instead. Either that or someone in the Houzz warehouse was having a very bad day when they filled my order. Regardless, I couldn't help but feel a little bit like <a href="https://youtu.be/cCf2ZZLHy-k" target="_blank">Charlie Brown on Halloween</a>.<br />
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Other weird things have happened this month, too. I just can't remember them all. (Another side effect of getting old.) But all of the things added up make me feel like I've just been out of sync with the universe this month. When I look in the mirror lately, I half expect to see a "check engine" light glowing right smack dab in the middle of my forehead.<br />
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*sigh*<br />
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There are only two days left in November, and I can't wait for it to be over. Here's hoping December brings with it a reboot and a healthy, positive resynchronization in my world.<br />
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<i>"Sometimes you are in sync with the times, sometimes you are in advance, sometimes you are late." --Bernardo Bertolucci</i><br />
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P.S. I ended up ordering the sheep toilet paper holder from another place and it arrived today. I have to say, I really like it! It adds a bit of whimsy to an otherwise boring bathroom wall. Not only that, but my wife is a knitter, so the whole "sheep" thing is a perfect fit for our crazy house. <b style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 18px;"><span style="color: white;">↓</span></b><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baaaaaaa!</td></tr>
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-79426111188843361962017-11-15T12:34:00.000-05:002017-11-15T12:38:39.295-05:00What the Hell Is My Purpose in Life?What the hell is my purpose in life?<br />
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I've been struggling a lot with that question lately.<br />
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Almost four years ago, I left a company I worked for for almost 25 years. I'd grown tired of my job and felt completely stuck. I was spending eight-plus hours a day doing something I pretty much hated, just because I needed the paycheck and the benefits. That seemed completely wrong. I figured there had to be more to life, so when I was offered the chance to walk out the door with a severance package, I decided to do it.<br />
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Now--1,433 days later--I'm wondering if I made the right decision.<br />
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I left my corporate comfort zone in order to find work I could be more passionate about. I wanted to do something that met at least one of two criteria: 1.) I wanted a job I actually liked doing. And 2.) I wanted a job that made me feel like I was making a difference in the world. Ideally, I was hoping to find something that checked-off both of those things. Little did I know that finding <i>any </i>job was going to be way harder than I ever imagined.<br />
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The first three years of being underemployed were pretty enjoyable. I wasn't able to find full-time work, but I was able to pick up some freelance gigs that I enjoyed and brought in a little money. But this last year has been a tremendous challenge.<br />
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I was probably more than a little naive to think that cutting my household's income by more than 80 percent was going to be something my family could survive long-term. Yes, we had some savings that we'd accumulated over the years, and that was definitely going to come in handy. But I wasn't planning to <i>still</i> be looking for full-time work almost four years later, and that savings account wasn't <i>that </i>big. (Needless to say, you should see it <i>now</i>.)<br />
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For the last few weeks, I've found myself second-guessing my decision to leave my my job. I don't miss the job itself, but I miss the money. And the health insurance. And the 401k. And the cheap life insurance. And the five weeks of paid vacation. All of those things that kept me stuck in a place I didn't want to be for so long would certainly make providing for my family a lot easier than it is now. <br />
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Maybe providing for my family <i>is </i>my purpose in life. And maybe my walking away from something that enabled me to do a pretty decent job of doing that was a huge mistake. Honestly, I don't even know anymore.<br />
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If you ask people what the purpose of life is, you'll get a bunch of different answers. To love. To help others. To make a difference. To be happy. To explore and experience. Etc. Mind you, those are all good answers. But none of them are resonating with me these days. To be totally honest, I've been feeling more than a little lost lately. I keep asking myself, Why exactly am I here??<br />
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Yesterday was particularly tough for me. After paying some bills and looking at the minuscule amount of money that was left in our checking account, I started doubting myself again. Hard. I even told my wife that I didn't know what my purpose was anymore. And then I realized: Maybe I've <i>never</i> known what my purpose is.<br />
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It's probably just coincidence that last night's episode of <i><a href="https://www.nbc.com/this-is-us/video/number-one/3617187" target="_blank">This Is Us</a> </i>had finding your purpose in life as a central theme. And it's probably just another coincidence that Sam Lamott posted the first episode of his <i>How to Human </i>podcast yesterday and the subject was <a href="https://hellohumans.co/blog/episode-1-finding-purpose" target="_blank">"Finding Your Purpose."</a> Total coincidences, right???? Or maybe someone out there/up there is trying to tell me that I need to figure some things out. Maybe someone is trying to tell me that by age 56, I'm supposed to <i>know </i>what the hell I'm doing here.<br />
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Unfortunately, right now, I don't.<br />
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I'd be curious to know if anyone else is struggling with this whole "What's my purpose in life?" thing. Or if you've struggled with it in the past, how you dealt with it. I can't be the only one. Can I?<br />
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Feel free to leave your comments down below. And, as always, thanks for reading.<br />
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<i>"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why." </i><i>--Mark Twain</i>DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-68460405636717998052017-11-03T15:34:00.000-04:002017-11-03T22:51:47.690-04:00Coffee BreakIf you follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/dean.dauphinais" target="_blank">Facebook</a> or <a href="https://twitter.com/deanokat" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, you probably already know that I recently attempted to become a barista at Starbucks in order to bring in some extra money. Alas, I only lasted a few days. But at least I got a good story out of it. And I'm happy to say that story was just published on <a href="http://hellohumans.co/" target="_blank">Hello Humans</a>, a website that describes itself as a place to "Celebrate the human-ness we all share. The unvarnished, the dirty, the small steps and big crashes, the small victories, and the breakthroughs."<br />
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It's also very cool that the Hello Humans site is the brainchild of <a href="https://twitter.com/SAMLAMOTT" target="_blank">Sam Lamott</a>, who just so happens to be the son of my favorite author, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott/" target="_blank">Anne Lamott</a>. (I have to say: the awesomeness of that is not lost on me.)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYSv6DI6yLjgW03boWMDnhOyvRj0KgQ9EQxeEyZmsYUU929j_4N-toeI-3PcTurXV-yV9NxlISiORPuvXqs9mCIGJRQGP5MpvFhlQ0s1TsNcqUL_d2zeL5gAr7rxicP_ydDNz08d886VT6/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-11-03+at+3.31.01+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="972" data-original-width="1511" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYSv6DI6yLjgW03boWMDnhOyvRj0KgQ9EQxeEyZmsYUU929j_4N-toeI-3PcTurXV-yV9NxlISiORPuvXqs9mCIGJRQGP5MpvFhlQ0s1TsNcqUL_d2zeL5gAr7rxicP_ydDNz08d886VT6/s320/Screen+Shot+2017-11-03+at+3.31.01+PM.png" width="320" /></a>So, do me a favor and head over to Hello Humans and read <a href="http://hellohumans.co/blog/coffee-break-finding-new-job-love-passionate-prove-bit-challenging" target="_blank">my piece</a>, which is entitled "Coffee Break." And while you're there, maybe look at some of the other stories, too. There's a lot of really great writing there from "storytellers who capture the truth of what it means to be human."<br />
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Like the "About Us" page of the Hello Humans site says: "The internet is full to the brim with 'gurus' and 'experts' who are happy to tell you about their successes, their methods, their shiny lives. While we believe that sharing success is important, we believe deeply that the discovery process, with all its missteps, pivots, and do-overs, is what connects and inspires us--not the final destination. After all, isn’t it obvious that there never was a final destination to begin with?"<br />
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Amen to that.<br />
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Here's a direct link to my story:<br />
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<a href="http://hellohumans.co/blog/coffee-break-finding-new-job-love-passionate-prove-bit-challenging" target="_blank"><b>Coffee Break</b></a><br />
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I'd love to hear what you think of it, so feel free to leave a comment underneath it on the Hello Humans page.<br />
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Peace.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It didn't last very long, but it sure was an adventure.</td></tr>
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DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6214164572251206738.post-85211004459299971802017-04-04T06:28:00.000-04:002017-04-04T12:28:55.406-04:00Anne Lamott Gives Us Hope with "Hallelujah Anyway"If I wanted to sound hipper than I actually am, I'd tell you that Anne Lamott is my "spirit animal." But at my age, I'm probably not cool enough to use terms like that. So instead, I'll just say that Anne Lamott makes my world a better place, because her books are like elixirs for my soul. I've been hooked on her writings since my wife introduced me to them several years ago during a difficult period in our lives. <br />
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When I read Annie's books, I feel like I’m being hugged by her words, and <i><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Hallelujah-Anyway-Rediscovering-Anne-Lamott/dp/0735213585?_encoding=UTF8&keywords=hallelujah%20anyway&qid=1491237951&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy</a></i> is no exception. In fact, the words on the pages of this book are the best kind of hugs, full of love and hope and spirituality. And even though I don't consider myself to be a very religious person, I am a big believer in love, hope, spirituality, and the comfort they bring to our lives.<br />
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In <i>Hallelujah Anyway</i>, Anne Lamott explores the complicated concept of mercy. The dictionary may define mercy as "compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm," but Annie's got a better definition: "Mercy is radical kindness," she writes. "Mercy means offering or being offered aid in desperate straits. Mercy is not deserved. It involves absolving the unabsolvable, forgiving the unforgivable."<br />
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Yes, mercy is complicated, but <i>Hallelujah Anyway</i> does a fabulous job of breaking it down so it’s easier to understand. And Annie even paints visual pictures of mercy that help you <i>feel</i> what mercy is. "Mercy is a cloak that will wrap around you and protect you," she says. "It can block the terror, the dark and most terrifying aspects of your own true self. It is soft, has lots of folds, and enfolds you. It can help you rest and breathe again for the time being, which is all we ever have." Can’t you just <i>feel</i> those words giving you a hug?<br />
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Showing mercy isn't an easy thing to do in this day and age, but it's something that's so very necessary. So many of us are struggling and hurting, and we need to be embraced and connect with each other. Because, as Annie states, "the last word will not be our bad thoughts and behavior, but mercy, love, and forgiveness."<br />
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Sure, people come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, religions, and ethnicities. But the bottom line is, despite all our differences, we are all human beings. And we all deserve mercy. And the way we start making that possible is to accept one another for what we are. In what I found to be the most powerful line in all of <i>Hallelujah Anyway</i>, Lamott tells us:<br />
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"Polite inclusion is the gateway drug to mercy."<br />
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On the first page of Chapter One, Annie writes about "scary, unsettling times--times "when we know that we need help or answers but we're not sure what kind…. We look and look, tearing apart our lives like we're searching for car keys in our couch, and we come up empty-handed. Then when we're doing something stupid, like staring at the dog's mismatched paws, we stumble across what we needed to find. Or even better, it finds us."<br />
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At this point in my life, when I’m going through still <i>more </i>trying times, I truly needed <i>Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy.</i> I’m so grateful that Anne Lamott put it out there for me to find. You should go find it, too. I guarantee it will make you feel better and give you a little bit of hope for the world we live in today.DDDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333974041672267981noreply@blogger.com1