Monday, June 2, 2014

My Son Is 23 Months Clean Today

I woke up this morning feeling a bit uneasy. It's June 2nd and this month is going to be an incredibly busy one for me and my family, with lots of activities and some travel. The busyness starts this week. I'm sure June will be just a blur by the time it's over.

On top of the "June Madness," I'm still looking for work after having been laid off in mid-December. My lovely wife assures me that "things will work out." Call me crazy, but I trust that she knows what she's talking about. If we end up living under a freeway overpass in a few months, I'll tell her she was wrong. But until then, I'm keeping the faith.

Nothing lasts forever, and this morning's uneasiness was no exception. In fact, by the time I got out of bed I was feeling better and had a big smile on my face and in my heart. Why? Because the fact that it's June 2nd means today marks 23 months of sobriety for my son, who is in long-term recovery from addiction.

Twenty-three months. Exactly 700 days. One month away from two years.

I am so grateful today that I feel like writing "GRATEFUL" on my forehead in Sharpie just so everyone I encounter knows exactly how I feel. Instead, I'll just write it on a piece of paper and keep on smiling.

"Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good." --Maya Angelou


Sunday, June 1, 2014

An Overdue Change to the Subtitle of My Blog

When I started my blog back in December of 2008, I didn't know what to call it. I chose "My Life as 3D" simply because my initials are "DDD."

But the title of the blog didn't describe what it was about. I needed a subtitle. So I came up with "3D-mensional Musings from the Father of an Addict. (No special glasses required.)." I thought "3D-mensional Musings" and "No special glasses required"--references to 3D movies and the like--were kind of cute. But I was never very comfortable with the "Father of an Addict" part. There was certainly nothing cute about that.

At the time this blog was created, my son was in active addiction. "Addict" was really the only succinct way I knew how to describe my son back then. So I used that word in my blog's subtitle and in most of my posts.

Then a couple of months ago I read a blog on the Huffington Post's website entitled "I'm Breaking up with the Word 'Addict' and I Hope You'll Do the Same." It was written by Meghan Ralston, the Harm Reduction Manager for the Drug Policy Alliance.

"For many people, myself included, the word 'addict' is incredibly harmful and offensive," Ralston writes. "You do not have my permission to call me an addict." She goes on to add, "The sense of fear, loathing, otherness and 'less than' created by that word far outweighs any benefits of using linguistic shorthand to quickly describe a person. 'Addict' is a word so singularly loaded with stigma and contempt that it's somewhat appalling that we continue to let it be used so easily and indiscriminately."

When I read that blog, it really resonated with me. Especially:

"'Addict' is a word so singularly loaded with stigma and contempt that it's somewhat appalling that we continue to let it be used so easily and indiscriminately."

I remember thinking something like "Amen!" after reading that. Yet I never took any action to correct myself. Maybe I was too busy at the time or just plain forgot. It doesn't really matter.

Fast forward to today.

This morning the ManyFaces1Voice Facebook page reposted the link to Meghan Ralston's blog, and I was reminded of how much reading it the first time had impacted me.

So today I am changing the subtitle of my blog to "3D-mensional Musings from the Father of a Person in Long-Term Recovery from Addiction," which is similar to one of the terms Ralston suggested using. In addition, the "About Me" section of my blog has been changed to read, "My oldest son is a person in long-term recovery from addiction..."

Going forward, I will do my best to refrain from using the word "addict" in blog posts, too. If I slip up on occasion, please forgive me. Old habits are hard to break.

Peace.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

My Latest Blog Over at Heroes in Recovery

My latest blog for the Heroes in Recovery website just went live. It's about being the change you want to see in your loved one, my sobriety, and how parents should consider being examples for their kids. The old "practice what you preach" theory, if you will.

I invite you to check it out and, if you'd like, leave a comment over at this link:

"Be the Change You Want to See in Your Loved One"

Thanks for your continued support.

Peace.

Thursday Thoughts

I was on Facebook this morning and started seeing friends' weekly "Throwback Thursday" posts. I wanted to do something a little different, so I came up with "Thursday Thoughts." About a minute later I had written down a list of ten off-the-top-of-my-head thoughts that I feel are incredibly important to carry around with you in life. After a quick trip to the scanner upstairs, here they are:


Happy Thursday, everyone. :)

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Get a Discount on the CMC's CRAFT Classes!

If you follow my blog, you know that I've posted quite a bit recently about Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change, the fabulous new book from the Center for Motivation and Change (CMC). The book is based on the Community Reinforcement and Family Training approach (CRAFT), a compassionate and effective behavior therapy approach for engaging a reluctant loved one into treatment.

The CRAFT method has been proven to be very effective, and I believe with all my heart that it would've made my whole family's life significantly easier had we known about it when my son's addiction was first presenting several years ago. (I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to be going to New York City the weekend of June 20th to be trained in CRAFT by the CMC, in conjunction with the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids.)

If you're interested in learning more about CRAFT, the CMC is now offering classes to the general public. You can attend the classes in person (in NYC) or online. In the classes, family members will learn strategies to take care of themselves while also increasing the motivation for positive change in their loved ones. You'll learn how to best utilize CRAFT and the CMC's 20 Minute Guide for Parents and for PartnersThe CMC states that "in research studies, CRAFT results in loved ones voluntarily entering treatment more than twice as often when compared with only going to Al-Anon or using the well-known 'intervention' approach."

Now, for the best part. The CMC has been kind enough to offer readers of this blog a discount on the CRAFT classes. If you use the code "mylifeas3d" to purchase a recurring monthly subscription to the classes, you will get each month at a discounted price. Note that there are two places to put in the discount code: one on the top of the form (a small link to add the discount), and another in the last line at the checkout.

More information about the classes is available online at this link: www.motivationandchange.com/craftclass.

NOTE: The first class is this coming Monday (June 2nd) at 8pm EDT.

Many thanks to the people at the Center for Motivation and Change for offering a discount on these classes to my readers!

"The CRAFT model of helping is based on understanding what works. By being aware and tracking the data, you can feed the outcome of every interaction back into your problem-solving system for modification, celebration, or a return to the grindstone if necessary." --From Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Depression and Addiction: We Must Break the Stigmas

(Note: This blog post also appears on The Huffington Post's blog site under the same title: "Depression and Addiction: We Must Break the Stigmas.")


Depression runs in my family.

I didn't know that for a long time. But once I found out, it was a relief of sorts, because a light bulb went off in my head and I suddenly had an explanation for some difficult things that were going on in my world. It explained things that were going on with my son and, later on, things that were going on with me.

My son was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety disorder at the age of 15.

He had been a pretty happy, "normal" kid growing up, but he slipped into an inexplicable emotional funk in his early high school years. He was sad, withdrawn, and struggled with everyday life. It was heartbreaking to watch. It got to the point where he couldn't even get out of bed to go to school.

My wife and I got our son into therapy and he was prescribed an anti-depressant. Unfortunately, the first anti-depressant someone tries isn't always the right anti-depressant; it can take some trial and error to find an effective medication. That was the case with our son, and during the search for the right medication things got pretty dicey.

This was the start of a roller coaster ride of depression and addiction for our son and our family. We didn't know it back then, but the next several years of our lives would be a living hell and the ultimate test for my wife and I as parents.

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Let me share some statistics with you:

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), "An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older--about one in four adults--suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. When applied to the 2004 U.S. Census residential population estimate for ages 18 and older, this figure translates to 57.7 million people. . . . In addition, mental disorders are the leading cause of disability in the U.S. and Canada. Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time. Nearly half (45 percent) of those with any mental disorder meet criteria for 2 or more disorders."

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), "Mental and substance use conditions often co-occur. In other words, individuals with substance use conditions often have a mental health condition at the same time and vice versa." SAMHSA goes on to say, "Approximately 8.9 million adults have co-occurring disorders; that is they have both a mental and substance use disorder" and "Only 7.4 percent of individuals receive treatment for both conditions with 55.8 percent receiving no treatment at all."

Those numbers are staggering. And the numbers that boggle my mind the most are the ones about people suffering from co-occurring disorders (a mental disorder and a substance use problem):

Only 7.4 percent of individuals receive treatment for both conditions with 55.8 percent receiving no treatment at all.

That, to me, is inexcusable.

Co-occurring disorders (COD) are incredibly common among substance abusers. People suffering from depression, mood disorders, bipolar disorder, anxiety and panic disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social phobia, and the like frequently turn to drugs to self-medicate themselves in hopes of feeling "normal."

That was the case with my son. His depression and anxiety were eating him alive, so he turned to marijuana, prescription drugs that weren't his, and, eventually, heroin. But his goal wasn't to become an addict. He just wanted to escape his negative feelings and try to feel normal. In fact, I can remember my wife and I holding our son in our arms while he cried and said to us, "Why can't I just feel normal?"

In my mind, the reason so many people don't get the treatment they need is simple: mental illness and addiction are still shrouded in stigma. It's 2014, but people suffering from mental illness often times don't want to ask for professional help because they fear being labeled as "crazy" or a "wack job." They keep their negative feelings bottled up inside and struggle through life on a daily basis, never knowing the happiness or normalcy they are capable of experiencing. Not only do they not talk to a professional about their issues, they don't even discuss their problems with their loved ones. They are embarrassed and ashamed, and resist taking that first step: seeking treatment.

Addiction is the same way. According to Heroes in Recovery, "While 23 million people each year need help for addiction, only 3 million actually seek treatment." The stigma associated with addiction is overwhelming for millions of Americans. So again, people keep suffering through their day-to-day lives because they're afraid or ashamed to reach out for help. Trust me: nobody really wants to be an addict. Given the choice of affordable, effective treatment and recovery, or continuing their lives addicted to drugs, which do you think substance abusers would choose?

We need to break the stigma associated with mental health disorders and addiction so that people can feel comfortable seeking help. They need to know that it's okay to feel what they're feeling. That they're not some kind of freak. That they're not alone but one of millions of people with the same condition. They need to know that it's okay to talk about their feelings with a professional and their family and friends, because talking to people helps. They need to know that properly prescribed and physician monitored medication can help, too. Most importantly, though, they need to know that their lives can be happy and enjoyable again.

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Depression runs in my family. And I have it, too.

I struggled with it for years, primarily after my son's diagnosis and the start of his addiction issues. I felt sad, alone, and worthless. It was horrible. But I finally sought therapy, found the right anti-depressant (after trying a few that didn't work), and started to feel better again. Much better.

Today I still feel better. So does my son, who found happiness through therapy and the right (legal) medication and is coming up on 23 months of sobriety. Our day-to-day lives are no longer filled with negativity and hopelessness. Sure, we have bad days once in a while, but that's just life; and we deal with it.

The difference now is that a bad day doesn't last months or years.

"Everyone needs help. That's the human condition." --Max Allan Collins

P.S. One of the organizations that helped me understand my depression early on is the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. They are a tremendous resource. One day several years ago I bought a bracelet from them. It's a green fabric cord with a little rectangular metal "charm" on it. The four sides of the charm each say something different: "embrace," "positivity," "possibility," and "+ + + + + +." I put that bracelet on when it came in the mail and I haven't taken it off since. Not even once. Every time I look at it, I'm reminded that life can be a positive experience. You just have to embrace its possibilities.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Memorial Day 2014

Today is Memorial Day.

My dad served in the army during World War II as a tank commander and spent some time in Germany. That's really all I know about his stint in the army. I always wanted to know more, but I never asked him. He was an alcoholic most of my life and we had a very strained relationship because of it. By the time we reconciled--just a few months before his death--his mind was too far gone to recall such details. So I guess I'll always wonder. But I did take his army patches and medals and put them in a shadow box late last year.

I have a box full of memories. And questions.

In any case, thanks for your service, dad.