Eight Years Without Alcohol

Today marks eight years since I decided to quit drinking alcohol.

On September 10, 2008, I decided to give up drinking to be an example for my son, who at the time was in residential treatment for heroin addiction. Even though I never considered myself to be a "full blown" alcoholic, my son's struggle with addiction was a struggle for me, too. Instead of drinking wine because I enjoyed it, I started drinking it to numb the negative feelings I was experiencing. Not a good thing.

Given my family history, which is riddled with alcoholism, I'm pretty sure I would've ended up in a horrible place if the family therapist at my son's rehab hadn't told me:

"Be the change you want to see in your son."

It's clear to me now that even though I originally quit drinking as an act of solidarity, I likely saved my life by doing it.

I'll admit that life without alcohol was a little strange at first, because the society we live in puts so much emphasis on drinking. "Everything's better with alcohol!" is the advertising message that bombards us constantly. But that's just not true. Alcohol is sooooo overrated. And, as I tell a lot of people on the addiction/recovery forums I moderate, being sober is only as dull and boring as you make it. Believe me: My life has been way more fun without alcohol than it ever was with it.

So what's the hardest part about living a sober life? For me, it's dealing with the ups and downs of everyday life without having a beer or a glass (or--ahem--a bottle) of wine to "take the edge off" when things get a little overwhelming. A sober life is life at it's 100 percent, full-strength best...and worst. There are ups and downs and you just have to learn to deal with whatever is thrown at you. Thankfully, I've learned to accept that whether things are really good or really bad, they won't last. Things are constantly changing because life is funny that way.

I used to totally suck at dealing with change. I've gotten a lot better at it, but occasionally it's still really hard for me. For example, the other night--which happened to be my birthday--I was feeling super stressed out. A home repair I spent a couple of hours on that afternoon didn't go exactly how I wanted it to. Coupled with some family issues that have been weighing on me for a few weeks, the stupid home repair thing put my stress level over the top, and I was struggling. Big time.

On a day that was supposed to be chock full of happiness, our awesome neighbors had invited us over for pizza and root beer to celebrate my birthday. But I just couldn't go. I wanted to go. But instead I decided to crawl into bed at 8:00pm and decompress. In the past, I may have had a glass of wine or a beer to calm myself down and then gone on with the evening as planned. But these days I cope with things differently.

And that's okay.

Seven Years Sober Today

I just posted this on one of the online recovery forums I help moderate. I thought I would share it with you as well.


Just wanted to share with you all that it was seven years ago today that I quit drinking.

I quit drinking because the family therapist at my son's rehab facility told me and my wife, "Be the change you want to see in your son." My son was addicted to heroin, and as his addiction progressed I started to use alcohol as a crutch. I was self-medicating to help me forget about my son's self-medication. How messed up is that??

My father was an alcoholic, and I was definitely heading down the wrong path with regards to alcohol. A glass of wine after work became two glasses of wine. Then it was three or four. Then it was a whole bottle. Or maybe I'd finish a bottle and then open another one. I credit my wife for noticing that my wheels were coming off and expressing her concern to me. I needed to quit drinking. Period. The family therapist's advice was just the final kick in the ass I needed.

My wife never drank much at all, but she quit drinking at the same time. We both figured it would be the best way to set an example, not only for our addicted older son, but for our younger son as well. It's the least we could do, right? After all, parents are the most powerful role models children have.

Over the last seven years I've learned that alcohol is overrated, being sober is only as dull and boring as you make it, and life without mind-altering substances is so awesome. And real. I credit my wife and the family therapist at my son's treatment facility with motivating me to change my life.

To anyone who's reading this and struggling with any kind of substance use disorder, please know that you can get clean and sober, and it's so damn worth it.

Peace, hugs, and much hope to everyone.

-Dean

"Don’t. Give. Up. Because guess what? Me too." --Anne Lamott