"Relapse is part of recovery." Anyone who loves an addict who's tried to get clean has heard that phrase. In fact, I've talked about it in this blog before. And, for the most part, I think it's true. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
Today I found out that my son relapsed. Sort of. He went out and bought some "herbal incense"--also known as synthetic cannabis, which is legal in a lot of states--and was going to smoke it. But before he could, he inadvertently left a rolled "joint" in the bathroom of his sober living house and it was found by someone in authority.
Busted.
Even though my son didn't smoke the incense, just having it was a violation of the sober living house's rules. Fortunately, this doesn't mean he's kicked out of the house. Unfortunately, it does mean that he has to leave for three days before he can resume living there.
Where will my son go? I have no idea. When my wife talked to him, he was waiting to hear from the woman who owns the house. He said she was "calling around" to see where he could go for three days. I don't know if it'll be a homeless shelter or what. I guess we'll find out soon enough, though.
This setback is disappointing, for sure. I guess the bright side is that the incense didn't get smoked. But knowing that my son took money we gave him for food and went out and bought that crap with it...well, it's just a big letdown. We also just mailed a check to cover his rent for November, so I hope he learns a lesson from this little incident and gets back on track with his recovery. And find a job.
And don't get me started on how angry it makes me that this "herbal incense" shit is sold legally all over the place. It's incredibly dangerous. Here's a recent TV news report from Georgia about the stuff:
Postscript: The more my wife and I think about this incident, the more we think maybe the story we're being told isn't totally truthful. We think there's a possibility that our son did smoke the incense, and that he's just too scared or ashamed to tell us. We'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now, but he's lied to us so many times over the years that it's hard not to think about the other possibilities. As I've said many times before, it'll be a long time before we're able to trust our son again. That's sad, but true.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Music therapy
Since going to Palm Springs, my son has been longing to have a guitar with him. He couldn't have one while in treatment, but when he moved into his sober living house, he started asking us if we could send him one of his guitars from home. Or if we could bring one with us when we visited.
To be perfectly honest, shipping a valuable guitar from Michigan to California--or checking one on an airplane flight--involves some risk. So my wife and I sidestepped the issue for a few weeks.
After visiting him, though, I felt like him having a guitar in Palm Springs would be a great thing. So I found an inexpensive Epiphone acoustic guitar on Amazon.com that had pretty good reviews and had it shipped to my son in Palm Springs. It arrived yesterday.
This morning, one of his Palm Springs friends posted a photo of my son playing the guitar, with a caption that said my son was singing and playing while she heals.
Seeing that photo and reading that caption litereally brought tears to my eyes. Music therapy is a good thing.
To be perfectly honest, shipping a valuable guitar from Michigan to California--or checking one on an airplane flight--involves some risk. So my wife and I sidestepped the issue for a few weeks.
After visiting him, though, I felt like him having a guitar in Palm Springs would be a great thing. So I found an inexpensive Epiphone acoustic guitar on Amazon.com that had pretty good reviews and had it shipped to my son in Palm Springs. It arrived yesterday.
This morning, one of his Palm Springs friends posted a photo of my son playing the guitar, with a caption that said my son was singing and playing while she heals.
Seeing that photo and reading that caption litereally brought tears to my eyes. Music therapy is a good thing.
"Family Weekend" at Michael's House
It's been almost a week since my wife, younger son, and I got back from our Palm Springs visit, and I've been meaning to put together a blog post about it. Unfortunately, the long trip home, jet lag, a nasty cold, trying to catch up at work, and my home DSL service going out for three days all got in the way. But those things have all passed, so I'm going to try and get down to business now.
The Michael's House "Family Weekend" program we attended took place at the Hyatt in Palm Springs from Friday, October 14th through Sunday, October 16th. It was an intense, emotional, and draining experience, full of education and hope. Our journey to and from California was long and tiring, but it was well worth it.
It's pretty hard to put into words how wonderful it was to see our son after more than 50 days. When we met up with him downtown on Thursday night, it was great. Needless to say, there were lots of hugs involved. And seeing him and his little brother reunited was even greater.
The "Family Weekend" program went from 8:30am to 4:00pm each day, and was facilitated by Alan J. Massey, who spent 17 years at the Betty Ford Center as a counselor, manager, and supervisor. He's also a recovering alcoholic, with 37 years of sobriety under his belt. Definitely an excellent set of qualifications! Two therapists from Michael's House also helped out by leading some of the group sessions.
There were about 30 or so people participating in the program, and all of them had different amounts of addiction "experience" under their belts. But they were all there for the same reason: because they care deeply about their addicted loved ones. I have to say, though, I think being "veterans" who have been dealing with our son's addiction for several years made the three days a little easier for us. I think it was a lot tougher for the people who were relatively new to all this; especially the couple who just recently found out that their son was using drugs. (They sent him to Michael's House just days after they discovered he was using, and they were still very much in shock.)
The family program consisted of educational aspects combined with group therapy sessions. On Friday, family members met the Michael's House staff; talked about what dealing with addiction has been like; watched a great DVD called Pleasure Unwoven: An Explanation of Brain Disease of Addiction; heard a presentation called "Healthy Self-Addictive Self"; and had a breakout group therapy session.
On Saturday, the patients joined the program, which included a "Shameful-Shamelessness" presentation; a discussion of family roles and a role playing skit (which my younger son participated in); a communication talk and exercise; and the most powerful breakout group therapy session of the weekend. This group session consisted of the addict and their family sitting in the middle of the rest of the group, who were seated in a circle. The addict and their family members then took turns telling each other: 1.) What they've learned about themselves since they arrived at Michael's House (or at the "Family Weekend"); 2.) What issues and concerns they have; and 3.) What their plans are for their recovery. (Yes, family members need to go through recovery, too.)
There was a lot of brutal honesty during this group session. A lot of tears and apologies, too. For me, the most powerful thing was hearing my own son be so honest with my wife, younger son, and me. And hearing my younger son talk very matter of factly to my older son. Pretty emotional stuff, for sure. My family also had the "honor" of going first during this session. The therapist leading the group later told me that he knew we'd do a good job and that he wanted us to set the tone for the whole group. Chalk that up to experience, I guess.
On Sunday, there were more breakout group sharing sessions; a presentation on "Relapse and Recovery"; and a breakout session to discuss what our plans were in case of relapse. We then wrapped things up with everyone talking about what the highlight of the weekend was for them.
The Michael's House "Family Weekend" program was so incredibly beneficial. And we met so many lovely people from all over the country. It was so nice to be around so many people going through the exact same thing we are going through. For at least one weekend, nobody had to feel "alone."
The family program was a lot of hard work, but we managed to squeeze some fun in, too. Among the highlights was going on the Palm Springs Tramway ride on Saturday night. This is a 2.5 mile ride up a mountain on the world's largest rotating tramcar. At the summit is Mount San Jacinto State Park, which is just beautiful. The view from the top of the mountain is breathtaking as well (see photo below). We took our son's roommate--a great kid from Atlanta--with us on this little trip and we all went out to Pizza Hut for dinner afterwards. It was a fantastic time.
We also went out to lunch with our son's therapist from Michael's House on Friday afternoon. It was nice to meet him in person, and we got to thank him for everything he did for our son.
On the last day, our son gave us a quick tour of Michael's House, which is actually a pretty nice place for a rehab facility. We also took our son grocery shopping, then went back to his house and hung out by the pool with some of his housemates for a bit. They all seem like great guys.
While we were there, one of his housemates told us that their sober living house is only a half block away from the house where Elvis and Priscilla Presley spent their honeymoon! So we went and checked it out on our way back to the hotel. (By the way, the Elvis Honeymoon Hideaway house has its own website!)
Saying goodbye to our son was tough, but we left Palm Springs early Monday morning knowing that he is in a good place right now, surrounded by good people. He also seems committed to staying sober and plans on staying at the sober living house at least another month (through November).
This is the most hope we've felt in several years, and it feels very good. Palm Springs is a very beautiful place. In more ways than one.
The Michael's House "Family Weekend" program we attended took place at the Hyatt in Palm Springs from Friday, October 14th through Sunday, October 16th. It was an intense, emotional, and draining experience, full of education and hope. Our journey to and from California was long and tiring, but it was well worth it.
It's pretty hard to put into words how wonderful it was to see our son after more than 50 days. When we met up with him downtown on Thursday night, it was great. Needless to say, there were lots of hugs involved. And seeing him and his little brother reunited was even greater.
The "Family Weekend" program went from 8:30am to 4:00pm each day, and was facilitated by Alan J. Massey, who spent 17 years at the Betty Ford Center as a counselor, manager, and supervisor. He's also a recovering alcoholic, with 37 years of sobriety under his belt. Definitely an excellent set of qualifications! Two therapists from Michael's House also helped out by leading some of the group sessions.
There were about 30 or so people participating in the program, and all of them had different amounts of addiction "experience" under their belts. But they were all there for the same reason: because they care deeply about their addicted loved ones. I have to say, though, I think being "veterans" who have been dealing with our son's addiction for several years made the three days a little easier for us. I think it was a lot tougher for the people who were relatively new to all this; especially the couple who just recently found out that their son was using drugs. (They sent him to Michael's House just days after they discovered he was using, and they were still very much in shock.)
The family program consisted of educational aspects combined with group therapy sessions. On Friday, family members met the Michael's House staff; talked about what dealing with addiction has been like; watched a great DVD called Pleasure Unwoven: An Explanation of Brain Disease of Addiction; heard a presentation called "Healthy Self-Addictive Self"; and had a breakout group therapy session.
On Saturday, the patients joined the program, which included a "Shameful-Shamelessness" presentation; a discussion of family roles and a role playing skit (which my younger son participated in); a communication talk and exercise; and the most powerful breakout group therapy session of the weekend. This group session consisted of the addict and their family sitting in the middle of the rest of the group, who were seated in a circle. The addict and their family members then took turns telling each other: 1.) What they've learned about themselves since they arrived at Michael's House (or at the "Family Weekend"); 2.) What issues and concerns they have; and 3.) What their plans are for their recovery. (Yes, family members need to go through recovery, too.)
There was a lot of brutal honesty during this group session. A lot of tears and apologies, too. For me, the most powerful thing was hearing my own son be so honest with my wife, younger son, and me. And hearing my younger son talk very matter of factly to my older son. Pretty emotional stuff, for sure. My family also had the "honor" of going first during this session. The therapist leading the group later told me that he knew we'd do a good job and that he wanted us to set the tone for the whole group. Chalk that up to experience, I guess.
On Sunday, there were more breakout group sharing sessions; a presentation on "Relapse and Recovery"; and a breakout session to discuss what our plans were in case of relapse. We then wrapped things up with everyone talking about what the highlight of the weekend was for them.
The Michael's House "Family Weekend" program was so incredibly beneficial. And we met so many lovely people from all over the country. It was so nice to be around so many people going through the exact same thing we are going through. For at least one weekend, nobody had to feel "alone."
The family program was a lot of hard work, but we managed to squeeze some fun in, too. Among the highlights was going on the Palm Springs Tramway ride on Saturday night. This is a 2.5 mile ride up a mountain on the world's largest rotating tramcar. At the summit is Mount San Jacinto State Park, which is just beautiful. The view from the top of the mountain is breathtaking as well (see photo below). We took our son's roommate--a great kid from Atlanta--with us on this little trip and we all went out to Pizza Hut for dinner afterwards. It was a fantastic time.
We also went out to lunch with our son's therapist from Michael's House on Friday afternoon. It was nice to meet him in person, and we got to thank him for everything he did for our son.
On the last day, our son gave us a quick tour of Michael's House, which is actually a pretty nice place for a rehab facility. We also took our son grocery shopping, then went back to his house and hung out by the pool with some of his housemates for a bit. They all seem like great guys.
While we were there, one of his housemates told us that their sober living house is only a half block away from the house where Elvis and Priscilla Presley spent their honeymoon! So we went and checked it out on our way back to the hotel. (By the way, the Elvis Honeymoon Hideaway house has its own website!)
Saying goodbye to our son was tough, but we left Palm Springs early Monday morning knowing that he is in a good place right now, surrounded by good people. He also seems committed to staying sober and plans on staying at the sober living house at least another month (through November).
This is the most hope we've felt in several years, and it feels very good. Palm Springs is a very beautiful place. In more ways than one.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
California here we come
It's been 50 days since my son went to Palm Springs, California, to start treatment. He spent 39 days at Michael's House before moving into a really nice sober living house, where he's been for 11 days. (If you want to see just how nice the sober living house is, check out the photos here.) So far, things are going very well.
Tomorrow my wife, younger son, and I head off to California to visit. We will also participate in the "Family Weekend" program at Michael's House. It'll be a long weekend, and it won't all be pleasure. The family program runs from 8:30am to 4:00pm on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So it'll be like being at work or in school all weekend long. But we hope it'll be a tremendous educational experience for all of us. And we'll be sure to have some fun in the late afternoons and evenings, too.
I can't wait to see my kid.
Tomorrow my wife, younger son, and I head off to California to visit. We will also participate in the "Family Weekend" program at Michael's House. It'll be a long weekend, and it won't all be pleasure. The family program runs from 8:30am to 4:00pm on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So it'll be like being at work or in school all weekend long. But we hope it'll be a tremendous educational experience for all of us. And we'll be sure to have some fun in the late afternoons and evenings, too.
I can't wait to see my kid.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
37 days
Thirty-seven days ago, my son got on a plane and flew to Palm Springs to start treatment for his addiction and depression at Michael's House. Thirty-seven days later, he's clean and feeling better. That's pretty damn incredible.
In two days, he's being discharged from Michael's House and moving into a sober living house in Palm Springs, where's he's expected to be for at least 30 days. And in two weeks, I'm pretty sure that my wife, younger son, and I are heading to California to participate in the "Family Weekend" program at Michael's House. That's another big expense, but it's one way we can participate in the recovery of someone we love dearly. And you can't really put a price on that.
Thirty-seven days. Every one of them, one day at a time.
In two days, he's being discharged from Michael's House and moving into a sober living house in Palm Springs, where's he's expected to be for at least 30 days. And in two weeks, I'm pretty sure that my wife, younger son, and I are heading to California to participate in the "Family Weekend" program at Michael's House. That's another big expense, but it's one way we can participate in the recovery of someone we love dearly. And you can't really put a price on that.
Thirty-seven days. Every one of them, one day at a time.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
I really hope this investment pays off
My wife and I are not wealthy people. Yes, we live in one of the wealthiest communities in the United States, but we are not wealthy. In fact, our income falls well below the median income for both individuals and families living in our community. We spent 16 years living in one of the smallest houses in our entire area (it was less than 900 sq. ft.) and only moved up to a bigger house about seven years ago. (A house that's now worth about half what we paid for it.) We desperately need a new car. Our two cars have a combined age of 24 years, and one of them is literally being held together with tape in certain places. We have much needed house repairs that we've put off for quite a while. You get the picture. Bottom line: Money has always been tight for us.
So yesterday, when we had to make a rather substantial payment to the treatment facility our son is in, it was tough. Insurance not covering our son's room and board because they think he's "medically stable" and capable of receiving the rest of his treatment on an outpatient basis is total bullshit. But there are lots of things that are total bullshit when it comes to insurance companies and substance abuse/mental health treatment. So we deal with it, bite the bullet, and pull out the credit card. (That's what credit cards are for, right?)
The payment we made yesterday was in addition to the initial payment we made when our son was admitted. And this most recent payment only brings us up-to-date through today. We'll still owe for more room and board after our son's residential treatment is completed. That's about another two weeks' worth of room and board. Then we'll get to pay his sober-living house rent for at least a month. And that isn't cheap, either.
I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that addiction hurts people in different ways. The emotional damage this disease inflicts upon the loved ones of addicts is bad enough. But there is also a financial burden, even if you have health insurance. This is now the third time we've paid thousands of dollars for our son to go to rehab. And even though it's painful, and even though it totally fucks up our budget, and even though it will greatly affect our financial future, we continue to pay the money. Because we love our son and want him to get the help he needs.
That being said, this will probably be the last time we can afford to do this. Unless I win the lottery or something, I can't imagine being able to pull this off again. It's just not realistic. So I really hope this investment pays off.
***********************************************
UPDATE: My son's latest treatment plan is a compromise of sorts. Instead of staying two additional weeks in the residential treatment facility--as his therapist first recommended--he's agreed to stay one more week. (Hey...Less room and board!) After that, he will move into a sober-living house in Palm Springs for a month and do an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). After that month is up, my wife and I aren't sure what the next step will be. But we're trying not to think that far ahead right now.
So yesterday, when we had to make a rather substantial payment to the treatment facility our son is in, it was tough. Insurance not covering our son's room and board because they think he's "medically stable" and capable of receiving the rest of his treatment on an outpatient basis is total bullshit. But there are lots of things that are total bullshit when it comes to insurance companies and substance abuse/mental health treatment. So we deal with it, bite the bullet, and pull out the credit card. (That's what credit cards are for, right?)
The payment we made yesterday was in addition to the initial payment we made when our son was admitted. And this most recent payment only brings us up-to-date through today. We'll still owe for more room and board after our son's residential treatment is completed. That's about another two weeks' worth of room and board. Then we'll get to pay his sober-living house rent for at least a month. And that isn't cheap, either.
I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that addiction hurts people in different ways. The emotional damage this disease inflicts upon the loved ones of addicts is bad enough. But there is also a financial burden, even if you have health insurance. This is now the third time we've paid thousands of dollars for our son to go to rehab. And even though it's painful, and even though it totally fucks up our budget, and even though it will greatly affect our financial future, we continue to pay the money. Because we love our son and want him to get the help he needs.
That being said, this will probably be the last time we can afford to do this. Unless I win the lottery or something, I can't imagine being able to pull this off again. It's just not realistic. So I really hope this investment pays off.
***********************************************
UPDATE: My son's latest treatment plan is a compromise of sorts. Instead of staying two additional weeks in the residential treatment facility--as his therapist first recommended--he's agreed to stay one more week. (Hey...Less room and board!) After that, he will move into a sober-living house in Palm Springs for a month and do an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). After that month is up, my wife and I aren't sure what the next step will be. But we're trying not to think that far ahead right now.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Some better news
Over the last few days, things have improved a bit with regards to my son's situation.
He called the day after he hung up on us and apologized for having done so. He also said he would stay in Palm Springs an additional two weeks--as recommended by his therapist--so he can do an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) at Michael's House. He will be staying at Michael's House while doing the IOP, so that's a good thing.
Unfortunately, insurance won't cover any additional room and board for our son because he is now "medically stable." In fact, this stipulation kicked in several days ago. So for several days, we've been racking up room and board charges of $195.00 a day for our son. And we'll continue to do so for as long as he stays at Michael's House. We are not wealthy people, so this is definitely a financial strain for us. But our son's treatment is important to us, so we'll bite the bullet and figure out how to pay for this and the other charges our insurance company won't pay for. Maybe we'll have a bake sale or something. (Who wants to buy a few thousand brownies?)
One more thing: We talked to our son again last night and now he even says he'll "think about" staying in Palm Springs to do his transitioning into sober living. This is a small victory, although I certainly wouldn't be surprised if he decides he wants to move back to Michigan to do this. We shall see.
One day at a time. That really is the only way to tackle things like this.
He called the day after he hung up on us and apologized for having done so. He also said he would stay in Palm Springs an additional two weeks--as recommended by his therapist--so he can do an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) at Michael's House. He will be staying at Michael's House while doing the IOP, so that's a good thing.
Unfortunately, insurance won't cover any additional room and board for our son because he is now "medically stable." In fact, this stipulation kicked in several days ago. So for several days, we've been racking up room and board charges of $195.00 a day for our son. And we'll continue to do so for as long as he stays at Michael's House. We are not wealthy people, so this is definitely a financial strain for us. But our son's treatment is important to us, so we'll bite the bullet and figure out how to pay for this and the other charges our insurance company won't pay for. Maybe we'll have a bake sale or something. (Who wants to buy a few thousand brownies?)
One more thing: We talked to our son again last night and now he even says he'll "think about" staying in Palm Springs to do his transitioning into sober living. This is a small victory, although I certainly wouldn't be surprised if he decides he wants to move back to Michigan to do this. We shall see.
One day at a time. That really is the only way to tackle things like this.
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